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“A Turkey Named Brotherhood”

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! By FITSNEWS || It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving here at FITS without a nod to Gary Granger’s timeless theatric masterpiece “A Turkey Named Brotherhood” (as improvised by Wednesday Addams). Described by the author as his “own personal salute to the first Thanksgiving,” the play veers wildly off course when…

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

By FITSNEWS || It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving here at FITS without a nod to Gary Granger’s timeless theatric masterpiece “A Turkey Named Brotherhood” (as improvised by Wednesday Addams).

Described by the author as his “own personal salute to the first Thanksgiving,” the play veers wildly off course when one of its protagonists decides to make a political statement about the plight of the Native Americans.

The result?  One of the greatest soliloquies ever captured on film.

Oh, and after the soliloquy is the burning and scalping … which we think epitomizes Thanksgiving every bit as much as turkey and stuffing.

For those of you keeping score at home, this “play” isn’t really a play … it’s a famous clip from the 1993 movie Addams Family Values , which starred then-13-year-old actress Christina Ricci as Addams.

Enjoy!  And Happy Thanksgiving!

(Click to play)

(Vid: Via)

UPDATE: For a thoughtful piece on the free market origins of Thanksgiving, check out this guest column by Howard Rich published two Turkey Days ago.

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80 comments

E Norma Scok November 27, 2014 at 12:06 pm

And she grew up later to have *really* nice cans.

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TontoBubbaGoldstein November 27, 2014 at 12:13 pm

Nor would it be Thanksgiving at the Goldstein wigwam without a nod to the WKRP in Cincinnati “As God as My Witness, I Thought Turkeys Could Fly” episode.

Oh…the humanity!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

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TontoBubbaGoldstein November 27, 2014 at 12:13 pm

Nor would it be Thanksgiving at the Goldstein wigwam without a nod to the WKRP in Cincinnati “As God as My Witness, I Thought Turkeys Could Fly” episode.

Oh…the humanity!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

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Buz Martin November 27, 2014 at 12:25 pm

Based on real event. Swear to God!

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Buz Martin November 27, 2014 at 12:26 pm

I think they dropped frozen turkey’s, though, And damaged hell out of some people, animals and property.

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TontoBubbaGoldstein November 27, 2014 at 5:44 pm

I think they dropped frozen turkey’s…

*Whistles softly*

We could use those Weapons of Mass Production against Arab wedding parties thos ISIS guys, while claiming we were just sending aid.

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The Colonel November 27, 2014 at 11:37 pm

I participated in an MRE drop where we nearly killed the refugees with kindness. A load exited badly, the carton broke apart at about 1,500 feet. MREs were scattered like bomblets and the pallet with the only partially opened parachute crashed through an aid worker’s tent compound.

TontoBubbaGoldstein November 28, 2014 at 10:11 am

*Jackie Mason voice*
How do you say, “Oy vey! You’re killing me with kindness.” in Arabic?

The Sympathetic Ear November 28, 2014 at 7:56 pm

If my memory or facts are not correct someone can clarify this story. A friend told me that his father was in on the WWII project to drop bats (the flying ones) with incendiary devices attached over Japan. However, the correlation between keeping them asleep in the planes by freezing{?} them and having them wake up in time to fly around to nest could not be mastered. This had to do with the release time and air temperatures, and so forth. He told me that the only one his father saw that worked properly landed on a jeep.

Soft Sigh from Hell November 29, 2014 at 2:17 pm

I have read the story as you told it a number of times. I very recently saw a version that claimed bats were traditionally frightening to Japanese (no mention of the incendiaries) and that part of the way it failed was that the bats froze at the altitude they were released. It does make you wonder at, say, Punic Wars history when even an event in living memory gets so varied.

sparklecity November 28, 2014 at 10:21 pm

God, don’t tell me you were a loadmaster on top of everything else you say you did or participated in:

OK, let’s see here:
Colonel O-6 type = “Check”
“Anti-armor expert training with the Israeli Army” = “Check”
Participating in Airdrops via cargo plane = “Check”

As a “no-shit’ ENLISTED aircrew member who no-shit rigged the containers for aerial delivery and dropped the damn things IN FLIGHT I have to call BULLSHIT to your description of an airdrop of MRE’s

It’s either ONE WAY or the OTHER and NOT a combination!!!

I won’t get into it any further because if i did it would either tip you off or give you hints into how it actually works

Either way, your credibility is greatly diminished and I get no pleasure in posting so.

The Colonel November 28, 2014 at 10:52 pm

No, not a loss master, in fact, I wasn’t even in the bird, I was on the ground. Yet another time I volunteered to “go along for the ride” when I should have kept my mouth shut.

My days as an “anti-armor guru” date to the very early nineties and the TOW2 BGM 71E&F. I was a very old 1LT, very young CPT in those days.

euwe max November 27, 2014 at 6:46 pm Reply
SCBlues November 27, 2014 at 7:00 pm

What about “Home for the Holidays” with the super-talented Holly Hunter and Robert Downey, Jr.??
Hits home for me in way too many ways!

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Sailor November 27, 2014 at 8:29 pm

The mention of that show brought back some great memories! I wish WKRP was still on.

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sparklecity November 28, 2014 at 10:23 pm

Not to worry, I bought the DVD collection which has the episode!!!!

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Slartibartfast November 28, 2014 at 10:12 pm

“Take an Indian to lunch this week!
Show him that he’s one of the bunch this week…”

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Buz Martin November 27, 2014 at 12:25 pm

Timeless satire. Love it!

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Thank You November 27, 2014 at 2:03 pm

Today we should be thankful for the re-election of Nikki Haley, the greatest governor in SC history. I’m glad we all came together and voted for the right person. Looking forward to the next four years!

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Rocky November 27, 2014 at 2:13 pm

And let’s not forget to give thanks and welcome to the millions of undocumented immigrants who are participating in giving thanks today. Thank you President Obama.

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King George November 27, 2014 at 5:04 pm

It was nice of the natives to welcome the undocumented pilgrims. Glad he can keep traditional Native American values alive.

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TontoBubbaGoldstein November 27, 2014 at 5:37 pm

It was nice of the natives to welcome the undocumented pilgrims.

How did that um work out?

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idcydm November 27, 2014 at 5:41 pm

About the same as it has throughout the history of mankind and I’m sure it repeat itself until mankind destroys itself.

SCBlues November 27, 2014 at 6:22 pm

“About the same as it has throughout the history of mankind and I’m sure it repeat itself until mankind destroys itself.”
When you sit on Santa’s lap at the mall this year might want to ask him to bring you Rosetta Stone so you can start learning Spanish – that is unless you are planning to renounce your citizenship and move to some whiter country – and in that case you ought to start learning Russian – and Sarah Palin can keep an eye on you there too.

idcydm November 27, 2014 at 6:40 pm

Tell me SCBlues what isn’t true about my comment?

I don’t plan to renounce my citizenship or move.

SCBlues November 27, 2014 at 6:54 pm

“Tell me SCBlues what isn’t true about my comment?”
We’re a nation of immigrants – specifically undocumented ones – and we seem to be doing fine in spite of the midterm election results – but no worries – Hillary will be in charge soon.
I’m proud of our nation’s immigrant heritage and proud of the melting pot that is our democracy. Purity is way overrated and passé.
Mankind seems to be doing quite well by the way – somewhere over 7 Billion people.

idcydm November 27, 2014 at 7:07 pm

I can’t help that you missed my point to TBG.

SCBlues November 27, 2014 at 7:24 pm

“I can’t help that you missed my point to TBG.”
Which was? You spoke of mankind destroying itself??? How is that happening??

idcydm November 27, 2014 at 7:40 pm

Still missing the point.

Don’t worry we’ll be long gone before it’s destroyed.

SCBlues November 28, 2014 at 8:50 am

“Still missing the point.”
If you had one, you’d be able to clarify it.
Oh I agree – we’re destroying Plant Earth – the global warming deniers are seeing to that.

idcydm November 28, 2014 at 10:03 am

How am I to clarify if you confuse “we’re destroying Plant Earth” and “mankind destroys itself”?

sparklecity November 28, 2014 at 10:46 pm

Don’t forget:

Tuesday is Soylent Green Day!!!!!!!!!!

Buz Martin November 27, 2014 at 8:17 pm

So. Should the laws be changed now, so that anybody can move here that wants to do so, from anywhere, at any time? If not, it’s not fair to the Euros and others who have been going through the proper channels to come here legally for many, many generations. Yes, immigrants built this nation, AS a nation, anyway. On the backs of the natives, and the hard work of both native and African slaves, endentured servants, children, etc.

Just stating the simplistic and only half-true party line about it is a handy way to write off all objections, but many of the objections are based on valid points. The main one being that we are a nation of laws, and we seek to make the laws fair for all. Now a highly vocal group is insisting that the law be changed radically in a way that is totally unbalanced. And the usual process of demonizing everyone who disagrees is well under way.

SCBlues November 28, 2014 at 8:49 am

“Just stating the simplistic and only half-true party line about it is a handy way to write off all objections, but many of the objections are based on valid points”
Now Buz, I am not writing off all objections and have some myself – I was responding to a specific post on this forum. My post did not state anyone’s “simplistic and only half-true party line” – what did I say in my post that was not true? Who did I demonize? The poster basically stated that immigration will result in the destruction of mankind – is that your position as well?

Buz Martin November 28, 2014 at 9:01 am

No. Not at all. Religion is more like to kill us all than immigration. But I read the comment from “idcydm” differently than you did. I read it in the broader context of man’s inhumanity to man leading to our destruction. Also one culture always having to be dominant over another (or several others) and holding it down.

La Raza, if given the power, could be like that. The radical Islamists certainly are. So there are some concerns with masses of any nationality or ethnicity flooding a country as part of a movement. And lets face it, the Hispanics driving for open borders are a powerful movement. So there is danger there for sure. I ju

SCBlues November 28, 2014 at 9:54 am

“No. Not at all. ”
What were the “simplistic and halt-true party line” statements that I posted? And who did I demonize? And speaking of demonizing, have you read some of the names I have been called on this forum by those who disagree with me? Let me name a few: cunt, bitch, nigger lover, socialist, communist, and the list goes on. So toss out your demonizing nonsense to someone else please.

Buz Martin November 28, 2014 at 11:30 am

I am the champeen for being demonized on here. I will NOT cede that title. ;)

sparklecity November 28, 2014 at 10:44 pm

I’d like to think that Buz, SCBlues and myself are kinda/sorta kindred spirits and would make a great bunch for discussing the events in South Carolina and the world in general over burgers and beer (LORD knows i would WELCOME the opportunity – I would suggest Biminis’s in Myrtle Beach in late September!!!!)

That being said, it is a biological fact that organisms react to stimulis and move towards that which acommodates their natural surroundings.

Long and short – Don’t fuck with Mother Nature and borders don’t mean shit when it comes to biological migration

SCBlues November 28, 2014 at 10:01 am

“Also one culture always having to be dominant over another (or several others) and holding it down.”
I doubt the Mexican immigrants will be dominant over or holding down the white man any time soon . . . . .

Buz Martin November 28, 2014 at 11:28 am

Note that I went on to say “La Raza, if given the power …” That’s a big IF right there. But there agenda is certainly in line with getting control Southwestern states and trying to secede. Won’t happen, but I’m speaking of intentions and historical trends, as I believe was the case with “idcydm.”

sparklecity November 28, 2014 at 10:55 pm

Gotta disagree

Only a matter of time till most of California, Arizona,New Mexico and Texas (thank God for Texas going back to Mexico BTW – I am so tired of Texas bullshit)!!! become part of Mexico once again.

Go back to their pre-Mexican War borders is what I say!!!!!

E Norma Scok November 28, 2014 at 5:42 pm

“We’re a nation of immigrants – specifically undocumented ones – ”

So what was going on at Ellis Island? That wasn’t documentation to become legal?

Is there ONE other country in the world (that you’d want to stay in) that will allow you to become a citizen just for showing up?

Just one. Name…one.

E Norma Scok November 28, 2014 at 5:43 pm

Ironically…not even Mexico.

sparklecity November 28, 2014 at 10:48 pm

If only Australia would allow me to immigrate!!!!!!!

I’d renounce in a heartbeat and NEVER look back!!!!!

euwe max November 27, 2014 at 6:26 pm

The pilgrims forgot.

The Sympathetic Ear November 28, 2014 at 8:04 pm

Well, what can I say? One of my undocumented ancestors bred a long string of horny men, one of whom took a Cherokee bride — and now here I am!

Rocky November 28, 2014 at 10:56 am

Reading the comments – it’s like katnip. Bet Obama was in the Oval Office after the turkey dinner with BIden and some others, sipping scotch, blowing bonghits and just – well – laughing their asses off.

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The Sympathetic Ear November 28, 2014 at 8:00 pm

I’m not sympathetic on that either.

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SCBlues November 27, 2014 at 6:26 pm

” Looking forward to the next four years!”
Sandi – how many posting names do you actually use on here?
Schizophrenia run deep in your family?

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Buz Martin November 27, 2014 at 8:18 pm

That’s why everybody on The SNOB used to call pogo/Sandi “Sybil.”

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NO, thank you November 27, 2014 at 9:04 pm

William “Boz” Martin addressed the council during the public comment period of Tuesday’s meeting, criticizing a host of issues, including the city’s actions that drastically toned down the bike rallies, funding of Coastal Uncorked and a February wreck that Mayor John Rhodes was involved in in Aynor.

“For the good of this community, why don’t you put yourself out of our misery and resign immediately,” Martin told the mayor at the closing of his speech.

Rhodes said after the meeting that he wasn’t going anywhere.

“No, I’m not resigning,” Rhodes said. “I really have no comment on Mr. Martin’s State of the Boz address.”

Read more here: http://www.myrtlebeachonline.com/2011/04/13/2098479/local-calls-for-rhodes-to-resign.html#storylink=cpy

‘Schizophrenia’? I ain’t ‘Sandi’ and have no comment on ‘Mr.Martin’s State of the Boz address.’

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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shooter__let er fly November 27, 2014 at 10:37 pm

Buz/Boz says he is now working for the mayor’s wife? Imagine that.

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Buz Martin November 28, 2014 at 9:11 am

Nobody on here cares about that, either, but yes, it’s become common knowledge that I’m an independently contracted sales rep for her. Which would seem to indicate there is no residual animosity over past differences with her spouse, wouldn’t it? I’ve very publicly stated, from my side of it, that I support Mayor Rhodes. Period. Stated that on the old SNOB, in fact, but certain individuals would not stop dragging up the past. Obsession is a terrible thing. Eats away at people and makes them crazy.

NO, thank you November 27, 2014 at 9:13 pm

I AIN’T ‘Thank You’… :-)

The community has been buzzing for the past week about the wreck that involved Rhodes, which led Rhodes to discuss the issue on a local morning radio show on April 6.

Martin said Rhodes had tried to hide that he was in a wreck that Martin said people had speculated involved driving under the influence – which Rhodes said isn’t true. Martin, who told the council Tuesday that he had never stated any of the information as fact, said he came to Tuesday’s meeting because he couldn’t respond on the radio to the criticisms Rhodes made of him on that radio show.

Rhodes said he was in a wreck in Aynor as he was driving a rental car to a meeting in Columbia, but he was not at fault. A copy of the accident report was not available late Tuesday.

“Mr. Martin seems to think it was a coverup because I didn’t call a press conference,” Rhodes said after the meeting. “What, am I supposed to hold a press conference to say I had a wreck?”

Rhodes said he had to go on the radio show to defend himself against Martin’s accusations, adding that if he didn’t respond it would have appeared that he had done something wrong.

The wreck was just one of several issues Martin brought up. He also questioned why the city gives money to Coastal Uncorked when some of the events are outside Myrtle Beach; the relationship between the city and the Myrtle Beach Area Chamber of Commerce – “Exactly where does the power of city government end and the authority of the Myrtle Beach Area Chamber of Commerce begin” – and criticized the ordinances the council adopted to tone down the bike rallies, a debate in 2008 that first brought Martin to the council.

Martin’s speech went on for at least 15 minutes and included criticisms of Councilman Randal Wallace and City Manager Tom Leath….

After the meeting, Leath declined to comment on Martin’s comments, and Wallace brushed off Martin’s criticisms.

“It’s the same old, same old,” Wallace said.

Martin, who lives in the Horry County part of Murrells Inlet and rents a place to live in Myrtle Beach part of the year, said after leaving the meeting that he came to get his concerns out in public.

Read more here: http://www.myrtlebeachonline.com/2011/04/13/2098479/local-calls-for-rhodes-to-resign.html#storylink=cpy

Somebody reign Mr.Martin in. Please.

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Buz Martin November 28, 2014 at 9:06 am

Y’all be trippin’, in all y’all’s IDs, there, Sandi/pogo. Nobody gives a shit about this stuff. Nobody but you. Times change, situations change, people change. But you keep droning on and on, on the same old note. Give it a rest, how ’bout it?

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Howard Scaggbello November 29, 2014 at 11:44 pm

You got it. I got one son that is a dick sucking queer in San Francisco…another one that is a college student at College of Charleston , a drunk that apparently has a suspended DL with a warrant out for his arrest and a lesbian daughter that teaches elementary school.

They all three hate their elderly grandparents and won’t even speak with them-for no reason other that they were brainwashed in a ‘cult’.

Only the best to you and as far as I am concerned ,we have NO issues. If I can forgive them , I can certainly forgive you. :-)

Buz Martin November 30, 2014 at 8:12 am

Ant there we have it. A POGO CLASSIC!

Still won’t vote you up, though. Dickface.

The Sympathetic Ear November 28, 2014 at 8:00 pm

I’m not that sympathetic.

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9" November 27, 2014 at 3:31 pm

My favorite Ricci movie,The Opposite of Sex.It’s incredible.

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tomstickler November 27, 2014 at 4:01 pm Reply
shooter__let er fly November 27, 2014 at 5:03 pm

Happy Thanksgiving to ALL. Even you American hating, liberal-socialists. Ya’ll can get back to supporting the evil despot occupying the wHite House and his lawless subversion of the Constitution on Friday.

President Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a national day of “Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens”…today is that day. Praise God and enjoy your family and friends.

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There's one at every gathering November 27, 2014 at 5:08 pm

What a delightful presence you must be at the dinner table during the holidays.

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SCBlues November 27, 2014 at 6:24 pm

“What a delightful presence you must be at the dinner table during the holidays. ”
Crazy Uncle.

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Smirks November 27, 2014 at 7:02 pm

“Uncle Jerry, could you save the Muslim Kenyan socialism talk for another time and pass the friggin’ cranberry sauce already?!”

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SCBlues November 27, 2014 at 7:26 pm

“”Uncle Jerry, could you save the Muslim Kenyan socialism talk for another time and pass the friggin’ cranberry sauce already?!””
LOL

euwe max November 27, 2014 at 6:24 pm

What a delightful presence you must be at the dinner table during the holidays

———
you don’t seriously think this guy has company on Thanksgiving, do you?

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Smirks November 27, 2014 at 7:00 pm

Careful, your heart is already filled to the brim with anger and hatred, don’t want to add too much cholesterol to it too or Haley’s going to have to fill another position.

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shooter__let er fly November 27, 2014 at 7:26 pm

Movie night on Thanksgiving for the ‘Muslim Kenyan’ and Ms.godzilla?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUr0jCbcPNc

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9" November 27, 2014 at 9:10 pm

You do know Abe was queer,doncha?

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The Colonel November 27, 2014 at 11:38 pm

That would explain a lot…

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9" November 28, 2014 at 9:42 am

Many seemingly’bi’ men are actually gay.It’s very common.They’re often married,and have kids,but their hearts aren’t in it.It’s who you love and desire. I’ve had sex w/women,but that doesn’t make me bi.More often than not,bi men want to be penetrated,more than anything.Kissing is more intimate than sex,and if a man wants sex but won’t kiss,that tells me a lot.
Identifying someone by their sexuality is a fairly new concept.It goes back a little over a century.People usually mention ancient Rome or Greece,but that argument doesn’t hold up.

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E Norma Scok November 28, 2014 at 10:09 am

“Cook dinner all your life and noone calls you chef. But suck one dick….”

Abe sucked.

He was a war criminal, and we know that as to what his general did throughout the south at the end of the war.

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Buz Martin November 28, 2014 at 11:24 am

Nothing strange about Jefferson and Hemmings, as far as the sex was concerned. Putting aside the fact that in those days it was supposedly “taboo” (but happened all the time) for whites and blacks to have sex, and that he was the master and she was his slave, it was just plain old hetero fucking. Some accounts say they were in love. We have no way of knowing for sure, but stranger things have happened.

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Smirks November 27, 2014 at 7:04 pm

“Free Market origins” of Thanksgiving? Oh lol…

If statism is a religion, these guys are in a cult.

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euwe max November 27, 2014 at 7:29 pm

Death by deep fried turkey.

I was surprised not to find South Carolina leading the list.

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9" November 27, 2014 at 9:05 pm

UPDATE: For a thoughtful piece on the free market origins of Thanksgiving, check out this guest column by Howard Rich published two Turkey Days ago.

No thanks.I don’t step in dog shit if I know it’s there.Fits? You’d be OK if you weren’t a brainwashed zombie.

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The Sympathetic Ear November 28, 2014 at 7:46 pm

Wishing everyone a safe and enjoyable Thanksgiving.

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shifty henry November 29, 2014 at 10:09 am

Fits must be pleased that somebody goes way back to read an article.
Somebody “liked” a comment I made two years ago about Kathryn Dennis.

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idcydm November 29, 2014 at 1:00 pm

Clemson takes the lead.

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idcydm November 29, 2014 at 1:18 pm

Clemson scores again.

Reply

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