Bat Bleep Crazy … What’s In A Name?
NOTHING BUT FUN!
We don’t think a person’s name makes them crazy … or not crazy.
That’s all determined by a delicate balance of chemicals … or so we’ve been led to believe. Achieve the right balance? Everything is fine. Get the wrong levels? You’re cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. And therein lies the fundamental premise of a multi-billion dollar pharmaceutical industry.
Anyway, earlier this week our founding editor Will Folks (a.k.a. Sic Willie) posted a list of “crazy names” to his always-lively Twitter page … and got quite the response. This wasn’t his list, mind you, it was just something forwarded from a friend.
His list? Glad you asked … although we received a disclaimer from the man himself that “all persons contained herein are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.”
1. Ashley – Self-explanatory … No. 1 on every list I’ve ever seen.
2. Shannon – Not only are they nuts … they will cut you.
3. Rebecca – I knocked her Nuva Ring out once (after knocking her friend’s out a few weeks earlier). They started calling me “Lord of the Rings.” It was flattering … until it got weird.
4. Natalie – Passed out early during a threesome … probably for the best.
5. Nikki – Yeah, so she’s the governor as far as you’re concerned. In my experience, she was a stage five clinger who wouldn’t let go of a brief physical romance – then tried to sabotage my marriage. And yes she’s reading this right now.
6. Leigh – When I was a freshman at Spring Valley High School a bunch of parents got together and decided their kids should carpool. In my carpool was a wanna-be member of Spring Valley’s version of “The Plastics.” Every day she would ask “are these windows tinted?” because she was so embarrassed to be seen riding to school with us. This girl wasn’t comely among the maidens, and only received her “Plastics” invitation because she had boobs. Long story short, “yes bitch” those windows were tinted. Like we told you the first damn day of carpool.
7. Susan – Push, pull. Push, pull. They have no clue what they want …
8. Madison – You will want to take her home from the strip club (and she will want to come with you) … resist the urge.
9. Caroline – Don’t take my word for it, ask Andre Ice Cold 3000 …
10. Sally – Crazy AND redneck … watch out.
11. Britney – Add fifteen IQ points and she would be No. 1 on this list … with a bullet (possibly a real one aimed at your head).
12. Dawn – You may live to see tomorrow’s … but you’ll wish you didn’t.
13. Meredith – Your boyfriend called demanding to know if we slept together and grilling me as to the location of your ridiculous dolphin tattoo. Seriously … who gets a tattoo of a dolphin?
14. Lauren – I’m glad you liked my old band. And I’m glad you tracked me down after all these years … it was a nice moment. Now can you let me out of the trunk of your car, please?
15. Robin – She’s going to read love poems of the Irish to you … while wearing a strap-on. Good luck with all that!
So that’s Sic’s list … what are your “crazy names?” Post them (male or female) in our comments section below!