NOTHING BUT FUN!
We don’t think a person’s name makes them crazy … or not crazy.
That’s all determined by a delicate balance of chemicals … or so we’ve been led to believe. Achieve the right balance? Everything is fine. Get the wrong levels? You’re cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. And therein lies the fundamental premise of a multi-billion dollar pharmaceutical industry.
Anyway, earlier this week our founding editor Will Folks (a.k.a. Sic Willie) posted a list of “crazy names” to his always-lively Twitter page … and got quite the response. This wasn’t his list, mind you, it was just something forwarded from a friend.
His list? Glad you asked … although we received a disclaimer from the man himself that “all persons contained herein are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.”
1. Ashley – Self-explanatory … No. 1 on every list I’ve ever seen.
2. Shannon – Not only are they nuts … they will cut you.
3. Rebecca – I knocked her Nuva Ring out once (after knocking her friend’s out a few weeks earlier). They started calling me “Lord of the Rings.” It was flattering … until it got weird.
4. Natalie – Passed out early during a threesome … probably for the best.
5. Nikki – Yeah, so she’s the governor as far as you’re concerned. In my experience, she was a stage five clinger who wouldn’t let go of a brief physical romance – then tried to sabotage my marriage. And yes she’s reading this right now.
6. Leigh – When I was a freshman at Spring Valley High School a bunch of parents got together and decided their kids should carpool. In my carpool was a wanna-be member of Spring Valley’s version of “The Plastics.” Every day she would ask “are these windows tinted?” because she was so embarrassed to be seen riding to school with us. This girl wasn’t comely among the maidens, and only received her “Plastics” invitation because she had boobs. Long story short, “yes bitch” those windows were tinted. Like we told you the first damn day of carpool.
7. Susan – Push, pull. Push, pull. They have no clue what they want …
8. Madison – You will want to take her home from the strip club (and she will want to come with you) … resist the urge.
9. Caroline – Don’t take my word for it, ask Andre Ice Cold 3000 …
10. Sally – Crazy AND redneck … watch out.
11. Britney – Add fifteen IQ points and she would be No. 1 on this list … with a bullet (possibly a real one aimed at your head).
12. Dawn – You may live to see tomorrow’s … but you’ll wish you didn’t.
13. Meredith – Your boyfriend called demanding to know if we slept together and grilling me as to the location of your ridiculous dolphin tattoo. Seriously … who gets a tattoo of a dolphin?
14. Lauren – I’m glad you liked my old band. And I’m glad you tracked me down after all these years … it was a nice moment. Now can you let me out of the trunk of your car, please?
15. Robin – She’s going to read love poems of the Irish to you … while wearing a strap-on. Good luck with all that!
So that’s Sic’s list … what are your “crazy names?” Post them (male or female) in our comments section below!
60 comments
Will – bangs a butt ugly politician and brags about it to the world.
Congratulations, you appear to have women “all figured out”.
And claims her to be a “stage five clinger”.
And yes she’s reading this right now.
[insert picture of someone giving the bird here]
I’m not really sure if you’re bragging, confessing or making a public safety announcement about STDs here.
Can’t be left off Maria, Kelly, Donna, Tiffany, Dane, Elizabet (Liz), Delilah and of course Olive!!!!!!!!!
Just having fun, man. Just having fun.
Durn Will, Thanks for the website, wish I could help.
And half the F*#king Dumb@$$#$ who suck off FITS (and Obama) went Ape-$#!* when Romney said he looked at some resumes from women, that were in a Binder…It was proof positive, to the most-ignorant and easily led, that Romney hated women, (and gave them cancer too)…
Ahhh, to be a democrat….the party for Women’s Rights…If this “list” and commentary does not make you sad for the sake of US voter intelligence, you are immune to caring….
Move to NH!
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, sexism is alive and well on this blog. There is no war on women and women aren’t considered “less than.”
Fits is part of the Republican “outreach” effort.
And they are ALL democrat leeches, who would just as soon molest your daughter, unless they are of the gay faction of the party…then it’s your son they want…All with the cheers of Barack Obama…
You mean like Ryan Loskern? Sorry, that guy was a Republican…my bad.
Live a little …
She doesn’t have a list to post, she’s jealous.
If she did, it would probably be comprised of bull dykes.
Are you available for parties?
“What are your masses but mud to be ground underfoot, fuel to be burned for those who deserve it? What is the people but millions of puny, shriveled, helpless souls that have no thoughts of their own, who eat and sleep and chew helplessly the words others put into their mildewed brains?” -Ayn Rand from “We the Living”
Only tennis games.
As an aside, this quote appeared in the first edition. Big fuss and it was removed for second edition. I am not sure if subsequent editions included it.
It’s like… there was something about it that was… what does the press say when they want to sound objective… like multiple parties have been offended, but it’s not definitive.. what’s the word….
…it’s thought provoking nonetheless.
I’ll bet that first edition is worth millions.
As an aside to the aside… Steve Martin, when addressing an audience about a secret we all agreed to keep from the stupid people… “the public – and I hope I’m not offending anyone – has a short memory.”
You’ve not dined at the Y in a long, long time. No woman with an ounce of self respect would be seen dead with you. Ohhh, I got it, you’re into necrophilia.
literally
LOL, He/She probably has to look that up.
I live a lot. Sexism is sexism. I thought you folks were trying to change your brand. Total failure.
Some people take everything too damn serious.
Hillary” nowhere to be found….The list is totally discredited….”
That would be in the ice water for blood, total bitch, category.
Yeah.. she’s the kind of woman my mother warned me about – doesn’t give blow jobs, and thinks she can match wits with men in a man’s world.
She’s old and worn out, ready for the ash bin. Women older than middle age shouldn’t appear in the public eye without a flat stomach and a face lift… shit! That’s why we don’t let them wear suits to hide their flab like.. oh, say, Limbaugh and Huckabee.
Women have to be fuckable and say shit like “yah!” to be accepted… of course, carrying a gun in a bikini is instant political experience.
Great post! I totally agree.
Thought you might.
Facebook – An Egyptian man named his new born daughter Facebook as a tribute to the social network’s role in overthrowing Hosni Mubarak.
Like– An Israeli couple decided to name their daughter Like after the Facebook button, claiming that it was ‘modern and innovative’.
I know Will is just having fun with article, but there IS something to names and their influence on the people who have them and their behavior. Long a student of patterns found in various aspects of life, I have noted a lot of behaviors and personality traits connected with various people with certain names, some good and some bad.
For women:
Amanda’s and Lisa’s are almost without exception, major drama queens. A good friend I have discussed this with had made the same observations on his own and concurs. Suzanne’s are usually kind of, well, just odd or strange. Can’t really put my finger on it but they are. Susan’s are usually pleasant to be around as are Vicki’s in their numerous spellings, and Becky’s. Janet’s can be overbearing but not all Janet’s I have known were in that category.
With regard to men and their names, ever notice how many Jason’s, Josh’s, Jerome’s, and the like wind up in the police blotter articles in the news media? If not, pay attention. I would not dump any of those names on a kid of mine for that reason. Jeremy’s and Jeremiah’s also seem to bring their share of drama and issues to the name table. George’s are usually laid back personalities and generally good, loyal friends.
Names carry vibrations and meanings which apparently do have an impact on the personalities of those who wear them.
How about Spencer two dogs boljack?
TRUE– in Florida there was a company named S.O. Bean Construction…
TBG has always noticed that “Billys” seem rowdier than “Bills”, “Williams”, “Wills” or “W. (Pick your initial)s”
Could be the reason that Southern Mommas name their kids so that there is a vowel at the end — that’s to curse them, show exasperation, and to call them home when they have disappeared—
Tont-OOO, Bubb-AAA, Bill-EEE, Sall-EEE, and so forth…..
A few REAL names from the Midlands —
I. P. Freely, Junior Senior, Green Berry Bush, and a woman named Fluoride.
MARLA…avoid at all costs!
Who’s the girl in that pic is what I want to know? I’m really down for some role playing…
I’m a little worried – that looks like a rural dirt road or wilderness trail. I suspect cute little cats being used in ritual sacrifice, and someone initiated into a sect without any members that never comes home again.
Just beware of drones when you’re doing…….
They’d know where I was growing by the area on the map where the drones didn’t come back.
+10
I’d stick it in her bat cave.
HOLY PALE ANOREXIA, BATMAN!!!!!
Amanda — You light up my life, with 5 gallons of gasoline.
Catherine– Sleeps with everyone… but you.
Susan– Crazy spoken here.
Kelly– Redneck from hell.
Lisa– Crazy as a shithouse rat
Angela– Sleep with one eye open
Angelique– Hide yo knives, hide yo guns
I thought Kelly would be on there fo sho,
When he was a little boy, TBG’s uncle asked his father , “Father, how did you choose the names of my brothers and me?”
His father replies,”Oh, it quite easy. When baby born, I look for the first thing I see moving in wilderness, and name baby just that.”
“How so?” asks TBG’s uncle.
“Well,” replies his dad, “if I see coyote running in field, I name baby Running Coyote, if I see a bull sit, I name baby Sitting Bull.”
“Oh, I see now” says TBG’s uncle.
Then his father looks at TBG’s uncle and says, “Well, why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?”
—- one of my favorite jokes!
I love the way *you* tell it… come on… you tell it… [everyone chants] “tell it.. tell it… tell it!”
I can eat a bowl of rice with chopsticks while balancing on a bamboo fishing pole on one foot while an old man whacks me on the shin with a catfish, fin side in.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIUMUyP729g
Seriously..Does Ms. Fits even read this crap? If so, she doesn’t give a shit (she laughs at it because she thinks its part of something you do to make money), or 2) she doesn’t give a shit, because… she doesn’t give a shit (AKA: You’re getting a divorce but you don’t know it yet).
Dude..everyone has seen pics of you. You’re old, fat and bald..and have been that way for a long time. Unless you are stuffing your dick in your sock when you walk, you’re more full of shit than a Christmas goose.
You mean that’s not Ms. Fits in the picture?
Okay . . . I’ll bite.
1. Will – Loves to kiss and tell
2. Dick – Acts like one too.
3. Steve – Tinkers with cars and trucks – dirty fingernails (and toenails).
4. Robert – Wears glasses to look smart – dumb as
hell.
5. Big T/Grand Tango – Small where it counts.
6. Roscoe – Guaranteed track marks on his undies.
7. Clarence – Doesn’t wear undies.
8. Randy – Randy and ready Romeo but breath stinks.
9. Virgil – Married to first cousin.
10. Richard – See #2
11. Marty – Loves to pick his teeth and scratch his
crotch – or vice versa.
12. Alan – Bathes regularly but still smells.
13. Mack – Acts macho but wears women’s silk panties.
14. Larry – Laid back, lazy, loud and a lunatic
15. Smith – That’s his last name too.
16. Stuart – Leaves toe-nail clippings on den floor
17. Bubba – Speech unintelligible even when sober
18. Sidney – Pipe smoker with yellow beard
19. Mitchell – Likes to work out – doesn’t like to
bathe
20. Raymond – Shaves his pubic hair to “look big”
I’ll add a couple.
21. Arthur–thinks homosexuality is a mortal sin, but fantasizes about his partner being with another woman.
22. Buck–thinks French kissing includes licking his partner’s teeth and gums.
A guy had been stranded on an island for months. One afternoon he sees someone on a piece of flotsam struggling to reach the island. He jumps in and swims to this person and brings her to shore. He can’t believe his eyes – it’s Scarlett Johansson!
After a week, Scarlett suggests that they snuggle together at night for warmth. After another week Scarlett suggests that they have sex because being so close together is irresistible.
Two more weeks pass, and Scarlett asks if there is anything, ANYTHING, else she can do for him for saving her life. He says, “Well, this may be odd, but could you cut your hair short and let me call you Fred?”
She thinks, “This is very strange, but he did save my life, and we may be stranded here for years, and we really need to get along.” So she agrees.
That evening at sunset they were walking along the shore when he stops, looks at her and asks, “Fred, can I share something with you?”
She thinks, “Uh,oh here it comes,” but says, “Yes, what is it?”
With a big smile of satisfaction on his face he exclaims, “Fred! Man, you will never believe who I’m screwing!”
I’m dying to know… what did she say???
You forgot kfloyd
For Sale: Nordic Track, $300 — call and ask for Chubby
I long for the day when Sic could did not have to use “bleep” for “shit” on a headline. When the fuck is that primary over, again?
T-Rav. Posts selfies and then opens FB accounts in girls’ names so they can like his selfie. He also wants Leo DiCap, to pop some coke in his ass,