It’s Pope Francis

why can’t they get another cute pope like ,John Paul?he was really hot;a pope worth poking

Isn’t that 1.196 billion?

Old? Check.
White? Check.
Out of touch with the modern world? Check.
Non-European? Only by a technicality. He was born in Argentina but his parents were Italian. European blood really corners the market on holiness, I guess.

For those of you educated in SC, Jorge is pronounced whore-hay

Probably lots of Catholics in South America; maybe one of the last big bastions of Catholicism. Perhaps more cultural for the rich and a comfort for the poor.

Vatican Calls White Smoke a False Alarm: “We Were Just Burning Documents”

VATICAN CITY (The Borowitz Report) — A puff of white smoke over Vatican City today raised hopes among the faithful who jammed St. Peter’s Square until an official spokesman explained that the Vatican was “just burning some documents.”

“Wednesday is the day we traditionally burn documents and other legal evidence, and we totally forgot about the white smoke thing,” the Vatican spokesman said. “We apologize for any misunderstanding this might have caused.”

After cheers went up from the thousands gathered outside the Sistine Chapel, the spokesman said, “We were like, ‘Uh-oh.’ We stopped shoveling papers into the blast furnace immediately.”

“We still have thousands of documents to destroy this week, but we don’t want a replay of what happened today,” he said. “One of the cardinals is going to run out to Staples and get a shredder.”

As the conclave drags on to a third day with still no Pope, the spokesman acknowledged that the cardinals were having a harder time agreeing on a candidate than at the last conclave, in 2005: “This time around, we just don’t have a slam dunk with Hitler Youth experience.”

A like them little peckers!

He was supposedly the runner-up eight years ago. So saying he wasn’t a front-runner means he wasn’t a front-runner on the radar of folks who have no inside knowledge.
He doesn’t get elected without support of the Americans, who do want the clerical abuse addressed.

I have hope that in my lifetime there will be selected someone whose pre-Pope name I can pronounce correctly when with my Catholic friends. In honor of this, these are to share:
—–
The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals. After they have assembled at the meeting hall in the Vatican, the Pope says, “I have good news and also some bad news. The good news is that I just talked to Jesus. He has been resurrected, so our faith in his existence has been justified.”

One of the cardinals stands up and asks, “What’s the bad news?”

The Pope replies, “He was calling from Salt Lake City.”
—–
A priest asks a nun if he can walk her back to the convent. She says,”Just this once.” When they arrive, he asks if he can kiss her. She replies, “Well, all right, as long as you don’t get into the habit.”
—–
Three nuns were walking along the street, and one was describing with her hands the tremendous grapefruit she had seen in Florida. The second nun, also using her hands, described the huge banana she had seen in Jamaica. The third nun, who was somewhat deaf, asked, “Father who?”

So we have a new chief child molester protector.

From what I understand, the homosexual Gestapo is trying to infiltrate topple the Catholic Church…even some on the inside are pro-gay…(likey how the child molestors were allowed to perpetuate homosexuality like they did)….
This new Pope is VERY much nn enemy of the left… He will protect the integrity of the church…At least I hope what I hear about him is true…

Could help the Right w/ Latinos, who are fed up w/ the Filth of the left in the US, too…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEKuGcmW70I

Quite honestly who really fucking cares.

If I am a newly elected Pope and one of my problems is homosexual priests, is naming myself Francis helping matters?

Big T, Big T, Big T, be careful what you wish for. While Pope Francis might hit all your social conservative boxes, he is a Socialist. He has spent much of his early years calling out you right wing capitalists for the anti-Christian philosophy you hold. In his country he supported among other things increased spending on public education and universal health care.

“Civil society, of which the Church is a part, has a clear role to play in demanding that debt service not take precedence over human development once reasonable efforts have been expended to pay the debt. We live, apparently, in the most unequal part of the world, which has grown the most yet reduced misery the least. The unjust distribution of goods persists, creating a situation of social sin that cries out to Heaven and limits the possibilities of a fuller life for so many of our brothers.” -Cardinal Bergoglio

Unsuccessful Pope Candidate Blames Media

VATICAN CITY (The Borowitz Report) — This wasn’t how it was supposed to play out.

For Cardinal Bonifacius Steuer, last night was supposed to be a time of celebration, when the Dutchman who had dreamed of being Pope ever since his boyhood days in Rotterdam
would finally stand on the balcony at the Vatican, basking in the cheers of thousands of the euphoric faithful.

There are no cheers for Bonifacius Steuer today. Only empty silence, and time to reflect on what might have been.

“Look, I’m not going to lie to you,” Cardinal Steuer said, in his first interview since his bruising defeat. “It kills me not to be there, not to be in the Vatican doing what needs to be done.”

While Steuer said that he is “not going to get into that whole blame-game thing,” he sounded bitter when he spoke about the mainstream media. “People weren’t allowed to see me for who I was,” he said. “They made me look like I’m some rich, rich guy, when you know that I’m as poor as a church mouse.”

But what closed the deal for Pope Francis, Steuer believes, was his outreach to the poor, which the Dutchman calls a “failed policy of the past.”

“Look, if you go around saying, ‘the poor this, the poor that,’ you’re going to get a lot of support from people who want free stuff,” he said. “Francis’s campaign, if you will, focussed on giving targeted groups a big gift.”

Reflecting on the two-day conclave that chose someone else, Steuer was philosophical: “We were on a roller coaster, exciting and thrilling, ups and downs. But the ride ends. And then you get off. And it’s not like, oh, can’t we be on a roller coaster the rest of our life? It’s like, no, the ride’s over.”

Steuer said it’s “too early” to talk about his future plans, but that he first intends to sit down with his closest advisers to reflect on what went wrong this time around. “I’m going to meet with the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, and I’m going to be like, ‘Come on, guys, don’t
hold back,’” he said.

But even as he sounded an aggrieved note as he spoke about “the hand I was dealt,” Steuer seemed to reserve his harshest criticism for one person: himself.

“Look, at the end of the day, this is on me,” he said. “This was all about getting enough Catholic votes, and I didn’t get it done.”

The “lady” that was named Bishop of the South Carolina Conference of the United Methodist Church, Virginia Taylor, was awful. She reportedly hired her husband at a salary of around 110K, built a swimming pool and horse stable at her church-owned property with church funds designated for the poor, gave her daughter a very plumb position with her organization, and just generally abused her position. Also, some pretty shady dealings that she really should have been indicted for have been reported. State grand jury should investigate her, if you really want the facts.
I hope that the Catholic bishop does much better than Virginia Taylor. Of course, this isn’t a very high standard.