We don’t (cough) watch beauty pageants (cough, cough) but we would be remiss if we didn’t commend this week’s Miss Universe event to our readers.

Why?  Well it’s not because Miss USA Olivia Culpa emerged victorious (jeez … we hate in when socialist countries win these things).  No, the reason is the rambling, confusing answer given to a simple question by Miss Venezuela, Irene Sofia Esser Quintero.

Judge Diego Boneta asked the 21-year-old hottie, “If you could make a new law, what would it be – and explain why?”

A native of Puerto Ordaz, Venezuela, Quintero obviously speaks English as a second language.  In fact there was a translator on stage who interpreted Boneta’s question and was ready to interpret her response – until Quintero decided to give it a go in her non-native tongue.

Here is the ensuing train wreck …

For the record, here’s that response one more time …

I think that any leys there are in Constitution or in life, are already made. I think that we should have, uh, a straight way to go in our similar, or, eh, in, heh, our lives as is this. For example, I’m a surfer, and I think that the best wave that I can take is the wave that I wait for it. So please … do our only, eh, law that we can do. Thank you Vegas!

Wow … lucky she’s hot.

Quintero’s response immediately drew comparisons to the rambling, non-sensical answer given at the 2007 Miss Teen USA pageant by Lexington, S.C. native Caitlin Upton.  Asked why Americans were so weak at geography, Upton basically alleged a global map stealing conspiracy instigated by “the Iraq.”

Anyway … to Quintero’s credit (and the eternal shame of South Carolina public schools), English is Upton’s first language.  That’s just how teenage girls in South Carolina talk, y’all.

Nonetheless Quintero’s mistake proved costly.  She received no points for her answer, and dropped to third place overall in the competition.  Had she given a decent response she probably would have been the third Miss Venezuela in five years to win this competition.

Oh well … our guess is she’s still going to make some rich kingpin very, very happy.