For the first time in four years, we were unable to partake of the glorious inbrededness that is the South Carolina State Fair. That means we missed out on our annual reminder that nothing we write on this website will ever do a damn thing to change this ass-backward banana republic.
Why not? Because most people in South Carolina truly are that stupid … which can be proven conclusively by spending five minutes looking at the mouth breathers who attend the State Fair (or looking at our state’s SAT scores and graduation rate).
Of course we keep writing things on this website anyway … which means maybe we’re that stupid.
Anyway, we also missed out on the delicious “Fair Food,” but according to local fitness expert Jamie Scott that may not be such a bad thing.
Scott says the State Fair is really a “Fat Festival,” chock full of foods that can wreck your diet.
“Yes, I do understand that the kids love the rides. And yes I do understand that it only comes once a year, but it’s not worth the extra poundage!” Scott wrote this week on his website.
He also provided a link to some of the calorie counts in popular “Fair Food …”
Fried Snickers (5 oz.): 444 calories and 29 grams (g) fat
Fried Twinkie (2 oz.): 420 calories/34 g fat
Funnel cake (1): 760 calories/44 g fat
Twinkie Dog Sundae: 500 calories/14 g fat
Cotton candy: 171 calories/0 fat
Fried cheesecake (6 oz.): 655 calories/47 g fat
Foot-long hot dog and bun: 470 calories/26 g fat
Giant turkey leg: 1,136 calories/54 g fat
Needless to say, a disproportionately large percentage of South Carolinians aren’t counting calories. Of course in their defense, a disproportionately large percentage of South Carolinians can’t count.
Or read …
Which reminds us … why are we doing this again?