SHARE

Why are we writing a story about Rick Santorum running for president?

Because for reasons surpassing understanding, Rick Santorum is running for president. Not only that, he’s “in it win it” according to an interview he gave on ABC’s Good Morning America this week.

In related news, our founding editor’s German Shepherd is also “in it to win it” – although she wasn’t invited to appear on Good Morning America (despite the fact that her odds of becoming president are roughly the same as Santorum’s).

Wait … is the GOP field really this weak? That a washed-up social conservative panderer like Santorum is being taken seriously?

Absolutely … let’s not forget this is a field that includes Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich and Tim Pawlenty, people.

“Santorum is probably the biggest douche/windbag that the Republican Party has produced in the last decade – which is saying something,” we wrote early this year in our initial assessment of the 2012 field. “One of those ‘Bush Republicans’ who didn’t mind growing government when he was in the ruling party, Santorum is now posturing as a fiscal and social conservative hero.”

Santorum served two terms in the U.S. Senate from 1995-2007 – where he led the charge for former president George W. Bush’s “compassionate (and costly) conservatism.” For those of you unfamiliar with Marvin Olasky’s ability to turn a phrase, “compassionate conservatism” was the expression used to justify a decade of out-of-control Republican spending that eventually cost the GOP its hold on power.

In fact, fed up by Santorum’s sanctimonious moralizing and failure to safeguard their tax dollars, Pennsylvania voters showed him the (back) door in 2006 by a whopping 59-41 percent margin.

Since then, Santorum has become known for being the namesake of an internet neologism coined by columnist Dan Savage – which has defined his surname as “the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.”

Makes sense to us …

While there’s obviously a market for Santorum’s God-fearing shtick here in good ol’ intellectually incurious South Carolina (particularly at county GOP conventions), he has yet to register as a blip on the radar in early polling – and thank God for that. We’ve got enough legitimate panderers in this race to worry about without the penny-ante versions gaining prominence.

“If Rick Santorum becomes more than a pimple on the ass of the 2012 presidential contest, I will crawl naked on my hands and knees through a mile of broken glass down the center of Gervais Street,” one of our readers noted last December.

Thankfully, that won’t be necessary …

Pic: via Daylife

***