Like his wandering, unstable, infantile mind – the political aspirations of Alvin Greene are all over the map.
After mounting one of the most ludicrous campaigns for public office in South Carolina history (which is saying something, trust us), Greene initially set his sights upward – as a possible Republican presidential nominee in 2012.
Now the unemployed Army veteran – who drew a scant 28 percent of the vote in his U.S. Senate “campaign” against incumbent Republican Jim DeMint – has announced his intentions to run for the South Carolina State House seat held by the late Cathy Harvin.
While it’s certainly a couple of notches south of “Prez-o-dint” on the totem pole of political power, we don’t think lowering expectations is necessarily going to improve Greene’s chances of winning a race – even in Manning, S.C., where Greene’s would-be constituents are collectively incapable of generating enough mental energy to illuminate that newfangled light bulb pictured just above his non-illuminated head (above).
Anyway, no word yet on whether Greene will roll out any economic ideas beyond his infamous “let’s create jobs by mass producing action figures in my likeness” plan … or whether he will substantively address the allegation that he showed pornographic material to a female college student last November, a charge he was indicted on back in August.
Come to think of it, perhaps Greene’s best bet is to simply not campaign at all … which (along with the laziness and racism of considerable swaths of the Palmetto state’s democratic electorate) is the strategy that earned him the U.S. Senate nomination this summer.
A pair of Democrats – Manning Mayor Kevin Johnson and Clarendon County Council member Dwight Stewart – have already announced their intention to run for this rural seat.
For entertainment purposes, we wish Greene would emerge victorious in this race. In fact, we can just picture him holding forth on the House floor – like some tape-played-backward, half-speed recording of former S.C. Rep. Ken Kennedy.
But alas, we’re probably not going to be that lucky …
UPDATE: Perhaps Clarendon County residents are a tad smarter than we’re giving them credit for. Greene only drew 44 percent of the vote in his home county, compared to 48 percent for DeMint.