By FITSNews || Because last year’s shot of a white girl sucking down a bottle of Jose Cuervo wasn’t sufficiently ethnic for our tastes (although an ‘A’ for effort was awarded), this year’s Cinco de Mayo observance consists of Salma Hayek in a see-through dress.
Aye yay yarriba!
For all eight of you who care, Cinco de Mayo commemorates the Mexican Army’s upset victory over the French at the Battle of Puebla in 1862 – although it has evolved into a celebration of all things Mexican (i.e. Hayek’s breasts, drug wars, Benicio del Toro, chimichangas). We celebrate it because it will be our new national holiday in another couple of decades the way things are going.
Interestingly enough, Cinco de Mayo is NOT Mexican Independence Day (which falls on September 16), nor is it even a federal holiday in Mexico.
By V-in-MTP May 5, 2010 at 4:17 pm
A holiday to commemorate beating the freaking French Army? Where does one even start with that?
Also, what kind of army is ever an underdog against the French. That is the military equivalent of USC being + 3 ½ against South Carolina State.
By fitsnews May 5, 2010 at 4:29 pm
VinMTP,
Give Spurrier another five years and that’s where USC will be!
-FITS
By SnakeMD May 5, 2010 at 6:42 pm
A little known fact is that the French were in Mexico, with their appointed Emperor Maximilian, just in case the South should win The War of Northern Aggression. The Confederate Secret Service was operating heavily in Europe and had gained the support of several European nations early in the war. King cotton was “oil” during the 1860′s and a lot of European countries depended on this valuable Southern export for their economy. Mexico would be an ideal location when the cotton culture spread to Texas and the Southwest. However, history took a different turn and we are now driving Lincolns instead of Lees. And now you know the rest of the story…
(Katherine Jenerette taught me this in her history class :-)
By sid May 5, 2010 at 11:01 pm
I think Benicio may be Puerto Rican, but don’t quote me on that.
By Rick May 6, 2010 at 7:43 am
And just think…if France had won; maybe Mexico would have established a government less corrupt. In any case…Mexico would have someone to call “friend”. Oh and Caldrone, well he’s pissed because Arizona is interfering with his economy…ya know the economy I mean….Yeah, Manuel illegally working in the US and sending their pay home. Cinco de Mayo…just another attempt at diversity and the stupid Americans keep breeding. What ever happened to Darwinism?
By Jimbo May 6, 2010 at 11:48 am
I believe those things are real.
Here’s a pic of her when she was breast feeding.
What a peach. No what cantloupes……….
http://images.dailyradar.com/media/uploads/mommy/story_large/2009/02/09/salma_hayek_cleavage_breastfeeding_.jpg
By Skidmarks May 6, 2010 at 12:26 pm
Male or female, if Salma’s dance in From Dusk ’til Dawn doesn’t trip your trigger, the crematorium needs to be called.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFqTsmRosjg
By SnakeMD May 6, 2010 at 5:44 pm
Holy mackerel! Sweet baby Jesus and all the little orphans! I just watched that video you recommended, Skidmarks. The whole Adam and Eve thing now makes sense. Never trust a serpent and thank god sheep never learned how to cook!
By CNChapin May 11, 2010 at 1:45 pm
I’ll have her bearded taco with a side of moo juice, please.
She’s one hot tamale, too bad they all go pear shaped at a certain age. I mean, really, have you EVER seen a hispanic chick over 35 or 40 that didn’t look like a weeble-wobble? Maybe Salma is that old and all the extra time with the personal trainer is paying-off but the majority of burrito smugglers turn into something resembling a matryoshka doll with a small head after their prime breeding years are over.