By FITSNews || Disgraced golfer Tiger Woods could be returning to the links two weeks from now at the Arnold Palmer Invitational in Orlando, Florida.
Obviously, that would be a short drive from the suburban Orlando home where Woods’ bizarre traffic accident took place – the event which precipitated the unraveling of his career and turned a dozen skanks nobody had ever heard of before into household names.
Of course we doubt Tiger will be driving this time …
Anyway, what’s interesting about Woods’ scheduled return isn’t so much the timing or the venue (you figured it would be soon, and involve a golf course) it’s his choice of media advisors. Specifically, Woods is said to have hired (through his agency) former George W. Bush spokesman Ari Fleischer, who has also advised disgraced slugger Mark McGwire and who serves as a consultant to the hated Bowl Championshit … err Championship … Series.
Hmmm … George W. Bush, Mark McGwire, the B.C.S. and Tiger Woods. What a client roster …
Anyway, is it just us or has every stage of the Tiger Rehabilitation Effort come off as completely contrived?
It’s like a bunch of people trying to fix a broken robot, not a human being taking real responsibility for his actions.
By fastmouth March 12, 2010 at 3:39 pm
I could really care less what Mr. Woods does.
By Ynotfirst March 13, 2010 at 7:16 am
I believe Tiger Woods was set up.
By really???? March 15, 2010 at 3:37 pm
then you are a moron Y.
By Miss Priss! March 15, 2010 at 5:11 pm
Forget Tiger … the interview I hope to see one day is with the former nanny and oiled-up swimsuit model, Elin.
I can imagine the reasons why she’s been so mute. Of course, she’s been mute from the first time the world met her earlier in the decade. The more I think about it she might be a bimbo, too.
Anyhow, I’ll bet the reasons for her mutism are some mighty good ones. And why she hasn’t pulled a Jenny Sanford yet is fascinating to ponder. Why not? Are you paralyzed by what the world will think of you if you bolt? Honey, give us something. Show us something. We want to feel sorry for you, but as time goes on it’s hard to. All we ever see you do is pump gas.
This whole psychofreak drama is so far from over I’m afraid to go to the bathroom for fear I’ll miss something and I drink waaaaaaay to much coffee. Consider the event horizon: the Augusta National Golf Club jowl-flapping hissy fit in PMS green 560 is about to begin. And can you just imagine when Ari Fleischer or Glenn Greenspan finally open their mouths on behalf of their client …or are those two spokesmen who never say anything so excited about being in Cheetah’s inner circle that they’re too busy holding each other’s boners? Steroids … or not, Tiger? Or you shot up just a little bit, and then quit because you didn’t want to destroy the dreams of some twelve year old First Tee golfer in Mississippi who looks up to you? More adult movie actresses tearfully confessing love for you while lawyers hold their hands? Aborted Tiger babies … for sale in Las Vegas? A couple of live Tiger black-market babies … for sale in Tijuana? A flood of new golf course design contracts? What else might pop up down the fairway for the greatest golfer in the world and his oddly tranquil wife?
By Rebel Yell March 15, 2010 at 7:43 pm
I wonder what’s on Billy Payne’s mind right now. I’m sure there’s been beaucoup huddling and hand wringing. I wonder if he’s still thrilled and blessed to be the chairman of Augusta National Golf Club. Of course, he might just call the whole thing off.
And I can imagine if ol’ Hootie was having to face the Tiger roar. And he thought the idea of a group of folks protesting that there were no members of Augusta National Golf Club who sported vaginas was distracting? This scenario is much more tension filled. Hootie … he’d be so damn agitated after a couple of questions he’d probably lurch into the nerd-wad of golf writers and chew off a few toupees. Ain’t golf fascinating.