By FITSNews || Since there are at least three high-ranking South Carolina Republicans who either “bat for the other team” or “go both ways,” it stands to reason that the latest Mark Sanford sex rumor is … wait for it … a homosexual one.
Why not right?
After all South Carolina is putting the “log” in Log Cabin Republican, isn’t it? “Deliverance-style,” in fact.
But since this latest rumor is beginning to percolate on various small-time political blogs (as well as on our comment board here at FITS), we figured we would take the time to address it – particularly since it involves our founding editor. That’s right, people, according to the latest gossip, the “Luv Gov” had a “man-thang” going on with none other than our own Sic Willie (a.k.a. Will Folks), his former press secretary.
This rumor is curious – although we readily admit that we’re writing about it for purely self-promotional reasons.
But let’s examine it, shall we?
Sanford (with his mild lisp and beatnik mannerisms) is indeed “under suspicion,” isn’t he? And the dude tans and files his fingernails, people. That’s enough to automatically put him on the list of “possibles.”
But Sic Willie? Switch-hitting?
On the one hand, Sic was awfully aggressive in supporting queer rights three years ago when South Carolina wanted to pass another gay marriage ban, but on the other hand he remains Public Enemy No. 1 with the state’s resident gay blogger – for saying things like “queers” we’re guessing.
Also, Sic was hands down the decade’s most notorious State House womanizer, going through female lobbyists, TV reporters, interns, pages, etc. like a friggin’ Peter North highlight reel. Yet on the other hand, Sic worked side-by-side Sanford for four years and took numerous trips with the governor – who instituted a “double-bunking” policy that forced staff members to “double-up” on hotel rooms.
Hmmmm …
We asked Sic point blank about the rumors …
“I find a lot of men attractive,” Sic admitted. “For example, I hate to admit it as a 23-year Colts fan, but I think Tom Brady is hot. He just is. But no matter how attractive a guy is I have a strict one penis per fantasy rule, and that penis always has to be my penis. I do not find other men’s penises or gay sex attractive. Nor do I find either Mark Sanford or his penis attractive.”
So does that mean that Sic has seen the “first dong?”
“Once,” he said. “On a 2003 trip to West Virginia, oddly enough.”
No elaboration was provided.
So did he and Sanford ever … “you know …”
“No, but people can think that so long as they spell the name of my website correctly,” he said, pointing to a FITSNews.com sign in his office. “Lies, truth, it’s all politics … who cares? People are going to believe whatever they want to believe, anyway, so why not embrace the fiction?”
But did Sanford ever give him the “gay vibe?”
“Well, there was one night we were working late into the night on the 2004 State of the State speech,” Sic says. “We had this gorgeous – and I mean drop-dead gorgeous blond girl working in the office and I’m not kidding she was built like a brick barnyard. I mean stacked – and she was totally cool, too. She watched SportsCenter, you know? Well Sanford sends her out to get chicken wings or something from a nearby restaurant and when the door closes behind her he says “uhhh, we’re alone … you wanna make out?” and it was obvious – but not as obvious as it could have been – that he was joking. Yeah, I knew he was joking, but it was one of those instances where the joke fell flat and it got really quiet all of a sudden.”
“He would also come into the communications bullpen and of course we had televisions on 24-7 in there and if there was a hot girl on the screen he would say ‘Oh she’s hot’ but it was always awkward, like he was trying too hard,” Sic recalled.
So, is it conceivable that Sanford has “switch hit?”
“I don’t know,” Sic said. “Boy or girl – he never expressed much interest in sexual things during the time I worked with him. In fact, prior to the Maria Belen Chapur scandal breaking, I thought he was asexual – you know, like Morrissey.”
“Developing …”
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By sclawboy March 10, 2010 at 10:49 am
Some might say the constant posting of hotties is “trying to hard,” Sic…
By 803andy March 10, 2010 at 10:50 am
No traction here, keep it moving. His palm prints all over Maria’s behind says otherwise.
By southernmapart March 10, 2010 at 11:05 am
Those “lover” e-mails printed in ‘The State’ last summer were blackmail, written by someone other than the LuvGov. It’s evident from the governor’s personal history, particularly that period during which he was running for first term. There must be some blackmailable evidence from somewhere, and the “lover” e-mails indicate a time of youthful indiscretion of a then single, young man.
Anyone really interested should go back and review the tape of the tearful confession of LuvGov, following his re-appearance after having been missing for six or seven days last June. The reality of the whole will never be understood until people remember that the state’s lead prosecutor, Jennifer Evans died during the same time frame.
Who really pulls the puppet strings in this state to keep a balance for the entrenched establishment?
By FITSNews March 10, 2010 at 11:17 am
Lawboy,
You “nailed” Sic. Mmmmm. And he liked it.
-FITS
By OhNoNotAgain March 10, 2010 at 12:13 pm
Methinks the lady doth protest too much.
By Billy Bob March 10, 2010 at 12:29 pm
Somewhere in the distance, a dog farted…
By Mike Coley March 10, 2010 at 1:07 pm
If he is, he is. My word people, nothing wrong with having a little man to man fun or woman to woman fun. Ever try it? If not – do – you just may like it. I have, a few times. Nothing drastic – but it was fun.
By Gabe Asher March 10, 2010 at 1:08 pm
Now, add to this the Mulvaney fellatio business, and you got yourself a story!
By anonymous March 10, 2010 at 1:12 pm
Maybe you should have a poll:
The Mark Sanford gay rumor is:
… totally believable
… totally ridiculous
VOTE
***********************************************
BTW, if a man says to you … “uhhh, we’re alone … you wanna make out?”
They are as freakin’ gay as a two dollar bill. Case closed. Next…
By Pinckney's Ghost March 10, 2010 at 1:26 pm
Is southernmapart insinuating that chapur was a manufactured alibi so Sanford could have Ms. Evans “taken care of”?
Pretty serious accusations.
By Another Opinion March 10, 2010 at 1:26 pm
Sure, why not? Politicians in general can’t seem to resist dipping their, umm, “hands” into anything that moves. What’s next? Beastiality? Wouldn’t surprise me.
By colleen March 10, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Fits or some one in the know-Can you explain what southernmapart was talking about?
By Earl Capps March 10, 2010 at 1:48 pm
The third option that you did not include would’ve been “Who the f*** cares?”. That would’ve been my vote. Anything involving Sanford, I think most of us just do not want to know anymore.
By CNChapin March 10, 2010 at 1:49 pm
“Yeah, I knew he was joking, but it was one of those instances were the joke fell flat and it got really quiet all of a sudden.”
Call me the grammar Nazi, but not knowing the difference between “were” and “where” is straight-up butt pirate madness. Me thinks Sic Willie gets poked in the eye patch, AARGH!
Sanford does have some freckles, so maybe he gets Sic’s motor running…
By baked March 10, 2010 at 2:13 pm
i’m with anonymous.
By Mike Traynor March 10, 2010 at 2:24 pm
I am a HUGE Sanford critic. I went to Furman with him. He WAS a cheerleader there, and he started a pretty queer (traditional definition) fraternity. He started the BE fraternity–brothers in eternity. The theme of that fraternity was that they would not spend fraternity dues on alcohol (WTF ARE DUE FOR???). A couple of guys in that fraternity came out of the closet a few years later. All the BEs wanted to do was kiss-ass to the administration. It was a very weird time. (One founder was a guy, I kid you not, named Skippy, also a cheerleader.)
In fact, there were at least 3 other MALE cheerleaders in the BEs, besides Sanford and Skippy. (Never thought of that before now.)
Anyway, we used to joke about them being gay, but I never thought seriously of it, except Skippy. Sometimes a few of us would look at each other with the weird silence after suggesting they were gay, but we all just couldn’t bring ourselves to consider it.
Point is this . . . for all of his faults, it would surprise me if Sanford were gay. Maybe he experimented once and liked it, but I am more of the “I don;t think so” camp.
Gay people are just gay–not evil. Sanford — He us just a slimy, vile, evil human being. They gays wouldn’t have him.
By InTheBiz March 10, 2010 at 2:24 pm
That was hysterically funny, good writing job. I always enjoy it when you write like that. But you do know that Peter North started his career as Matt Ramsey? I’m just saying you might want to check it out….
By anonymous March 10, 2010 at 2:27 pm
What about the Tom Davis rumor?
Take a poll:
The Tom Davis gay rumor is:
… totally believable
… totally ridiculous
VOTE
**********************************
What about the Chad Prosser rumor?
Take a poll:
The Chad Prosser rumor is:
… totally believable
… totally ridiculous
VOTE
By southernmapart March 10, 2010 at 4:07 pm
I’m guessing P-Ghost did not take time to review the confession tape before commenting here.
By Matt March 10, 2010 at 4:43 pm
I call bullshit, Sic is too fat and not famous enough to have banged all those chicks…unless they were fat too.
By Anony March 10, 2010 at 5:34 pm
While this story is humorous speculation…people who are narcisstic or suffer from narcissitic personailty disorder often blur the lines when it comes to sex. Self-love, mirror-image, male on male, anal, trannies, etc., etc… . They also have a predilection for BDSM and fetishes. OK, OK, I know I am talking about a large portion of the male population’s unguarded fantasies, right? Blackmail-able none-the-less.
By Crooner March 10, 2010 at 5:37 pm
Sanford and Tom Davis? Of course! Why else did Sanford apologize directly to Davis at that fateful press conference?
Poor Tom. He thought HE was the soul mate.
By Ynotfirst March 10, 2010 at 6:40 pm
maria is fictitious
sanfraud is probably gay
By anonymous March 10, 2010 at 7:24 pm
The larger question is why did Sanfraud REALLY go Argentina?
By Pinckneys Ghost March 10, 2010 at 7:28 pm
No, Southernmapart, I do not have time to watch that dribble over and over again because unlike 12.6% of SC, I have a job. Cite something specific or be gone. At least point to a line, quote or something besides “go watch death by journalist therapy”. No thanks. I heard your dead parents were horse f*ckers, watch the Sanford confession, it will explain it.
By southernmapart March 10, 2010 at 10:13 pm
P-Ghost, the published lover e-mails had Sanford saying he liked running the heavy equipment on his land, early in the mornings. Sanford is supposed to have gotten rid of the heavy equipment he liked using to dig holes, all as part of a settlement with the insurance company over the accidental death of a young girl, during the time of his first campaign for governor, who had fallen into and drowned in a rain-filled hole dug on his property. This story was not published in media, but there were written reports of the incident floating around at that time. I can’t document the story, but several out there can.
It is difficult to believe that in a note to a lover Sanford would have used a reference to digging holes in his yard with heavy equipment. It reads more like a blackmail threat published in a newspaper.
The tan lines referred to in the published e-mails don’t say whose tan lines, and the palm tree/coconut reference has a homosexual connotation. Easily, that can be considered another blackmail threat, published in a newspaper.
The audio tapes of Sanford’s confession show that he is quite upset and saying that he “did not know he was putting her in harms way.” The “her” in “harms way” was the lead prosecutor that Sanford is reported to have been meeting away from Columbia to assist with prosecution of certain state officials. The prosecutor, at the age of 40, is now deceased and it appears that all investigation into criminal activities of state officials have stopped.
No one has ever documented that Sanford left the country last June. All we have is a meetup at the Atlanta Airport between Sanford and a reporter from the newspaper which published the (apparently) blackmailing e-mails.
By The Colonel March 11, 2010 at 2:45 am
Southernpart – this article should have been taken “tounge in cheek”, not southernpart between cheecks. If you must know, it was Mr. Mustard in the conservatory, with the candle stick.
By Ynotfirst March 11, 2010 at 7:29 am
southernmapart: you are kinda sorta on track. There’s a lot more to the story. Sanfraud has done something criminal in my humble opinion. I believe the lady at the Supreme Court was onto him.
I am certain the truth will dribble out…. you see, I hold some of the truth but let me tell you something else: the truth does NOT set you free. It is the most penalizing punishing thing I have ever been drug through.
Google Sanford’s time in Congress and lookie at what he is actually famous for…. I hold evidence he did.
By Toyota Kawaski March 11, 2010 at 8:19 am
Sanfraud No
Sick Willie switch hitter for sure just ask AP at the scoop
By TERESA March 11, 2010 at 9:06 am
I think most peoples believe there is more to the Scandal.Unfortunately it does not seem to be going away. We have to remember that although Mr. Sanford behaved in a not so Gentlemen way he is only human. He is also an individual that lost a parent earlier on in life and like most kidds that loss a parent during their early life the eldest child(in this case Sanford) feel a need to step up and assist his mother and younger siblings and from there he went to a large city-he truly never had a chance to be a child and from what a occurred with the scandal had limited experience with dating before marrying. The scandal has taken it toll on him as evdience in some of his photos. Like everything else in life the truth will surface one day.
By Moniker Lewinsky March 11, 2010 at 9:08 am
Does anybody think anyone would have sex with Sic? Even the Luv Gov?
By Gina March 11, 2010 at 9:25 am
Dont forget about his “man-camps” as well.
By Judy March 11, 2010 at 10:55 am
wish he would resign and move to BA and the soul mate … can’t wait to see how long that one lasts OR did she send him back and that’s why he is still here and blithering?
By scooter March 11, 2010 at 11:11 am
Who cares? Someone’s sexual identity is not our business. Sanford is a scum ball, but not because he is or is not gay. Do I need to say more?
By WorkingTommyC March 11, 2010 at 12:26 pm
I think you summed it up adequately, Scooter.
By A Earth Quacker March 12, 2010 at 11:18 am
Just like James Brown, our nukes are still not properly buried- the sex is allegory for policy issues.
Homo = we screw our own kind. Health Care = control of your life/death Politics = blood sucking parasites
http://media.lasvegassun.com/media/pdfs/blogs/documents/2010/02/15/Letter_to_Lindsey_O._Graham_2.11.2010.pdf
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1257377/James-Browns-body-missing-crypt-alleges-singers-daughter.html
Wake up, Ya’ll
By A Earth Quacker March 12, 2010 at 12:12 pm
Calamity Jane is 72 and we are rolling up on the 31st anniversary of the movie -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_China_Syndrome