By FITSNews || For a minute there Tuesday, we thought it was all over.
And by “it,” we mean life as we know it … humankind.
It all started shortly after lunch when our founding editor’s wife, the lovely Mrs. Sic Willie, sent her man-child of a husband the following text message:
They say the earthquake in Chile knocked the earth off its axis! Crazy!
And indeed, “crazy” is what happened next inside our world headquarters. Before before you could say “Armageddon,” Sic had stripped down to nothing but the fur God gave him (ewwwww) and sprawled himself all over the conference table in our interns’ office.
“The world is coming to an end … like … any minute now,” he said in the most come-hithery tone he could muster. “That means this is your last chance to, you know … do me.”
Noticing one of our male interns was seated at the table, Sic clarified.
“Obviously not you, Garreth,” he said.
Fortunately, one of our female interns quickly (and boy do we mean quickly) Googled “earth’s axis” and discovered the following:
The Chile quake may have moved the Earth’s axis by about 3 inches … (and) shortened the day by 1.26 microseconds
Um, yeah. Translation? The world is not coming to an end.
And to answer your first question, no … we did not tell Mrs. Sic about this (well, until now obviously).
Your second question?
Yes, we used several canisters of Clorox disinfecting wipes on the conference table …
UPDATE: Oh, and to answer your third question, resumes can be sent to interns@fitsnews.com.
By They call me Mr. Sinister March 3, 2010 at 2:53 pm
Is it me or is the movie “2012″ suddenly looking more and more prophetic???
By Genomic Repairman March 3, 2010 at 5:02 pm
Dude I have tilted the Earth off axis by at least three inches while taking a dump after eating Mexican food. My bad Chileans, my bad.
By Earl Capps March 3, 2010 at 6:42 pm
Gen, shame on you! ;)
By really? March 3, 2010 at 7:58 pm
I doubt mrs sic reads this. I’m sure she gets enough of his crap at home.
By southernmapart March 4, 2010 at 10:24 am
Some say the 3-inch axis tilt is the result of the moon loosing orbital velocity bringing it in closer to earth. Further, that the moon’s closer proximity to earth is causing the earthquakes and huge tsunami kind of waves in the ocean. All in time for the December 21, 2012 end-of-times prophesied by the Mayan calendar.
Check out the moon. Does it look a little larger than usual?
Gresham Barrett has been on early morning local radio asking people to “be prepared.” He doesn’t explain what the preparations are for, other than some kind of emergency. Of course, we had an emergency when he flip-flopped his vote on the banker bailout in the fall of 2008. I started putting a little extra food and water when congress let us know that the bankers had absolutely taken over the country.
Now, it’s come down to: If the bankers don’t get ya, the moon will.