Polly: Olympic Prattle

By Polly Sanders || Let’s get the sad stuff out of the way first, shall we? Canadian figure skater Joannie Rochette suffered a terrible personal tragedy when her mother died unexpectedly this week at the age of 55. Rochette still plans to compete and the cause of death has not yet been released …

Onto a happier topic – babies. Canadian Curler Kristie Moore is seriously preggers – five and a half months preggers to be exact. She is way beyond a bump and into straight-up waddling territory. Interestingly, she is actually the third Olympian to compete while pregnant. The last pregnant athlete to win a medal?  Swedish figure skater Magda Julin, won gold three months into her pregnancy during the 1920 Olympics.  So … let’s go Preggo! Let’s go!

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Canadian Curler Kristie Moore

While our founding editor has been going gaga over some of the lady skiers and snowboarders at these XXI Winter Games, he’s missed doubling his pleasure at the rink – which is ironic considering he claims that ice hockey is his favorite sport.  Right!  Anyway, the U.S. Women’s Hockey team has identical twins on its team – Monique and Jocelyne Lamoureux.  They are pretty dang adorable too, if you can get over their identical deep husky voices and the fact that they are very capable of going Elin Woods on your face with a hockey stick … at any moment …

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Twins!

Sic also asked me to give a little love to Julia Mancuso, the U.S. ski bunny not named Lindsey Vonn. In my effort to investigate this Alpine hottie, I found a very promiscuous picture that does not, I repeat does not, have the Polly Sanders seal of approval.  It honestly just made me think she was a skank, and because I like to give skanks a special little name for identification purposes, I will now call her Schluia Schlancuso.

Schluia does have two silver medals at these games … one for each, um … never mind.

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You Stay Classy, Schluia Schlancuso

Now … let’s take a look at a few of the bad boys of the Olympics.

Japanese snowboarder Kazuhiro Kokubo really (really) pissed off his home country by looking … well, American (Californian if we had to be specific). Apparently his nose ring and dreadlocks, combined with wearing his national uniform in a baggy pants, lose tie, and indoor sunglasses sort of way, led to such disapproval in his home nation that they canceled his Olympic viewing parties across the county. If that is the most shameful thing the Japanese athletes have ever done, that is really embarrassing – for Japan.

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Kokubo's "Californication"

The Dutch, a generally more accepting culture, are merely amused with their bad boy’s antics. Dutch speedskater Sven Kramer had just won a gold medal when an NBC reporter approached him and asked, “If you can say your name and your country and what you just won here.” Kramer responded, “Are you stupid? Hell no I’m not going to do that.”

The Dutch don’t seem to care about this and neither do I. She works for NBC, which means she probably was stupid (clip below) …

America is not as forgiving as the Dutch, though.  In fact, the U.S. Olympic Committee told bronze medal snowboarder Scotty Lago to leave the uber-plush athlete accommodations after the emergence of a few suggestive photos with a female fan. In one picture, she has his medal in her mouth and in another she takes it down a notch – she still has the medal in her mouth, but the medal is slung low in front of Lago’s crotch. I am really not sure what she was suggesting … Why did she have the medal in her mouth? Was she trying to clean it? Did she want to show him that her tounge was very good at polishing?  What did she want to do, wax his… board? I’m not sure that was the best time to interview for a position as his cleaning lady …

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Lago: Yummy

The original U.S. bad boy Bode Miller, three-time World Ski Champion, finally won gold in Vancouver – he had five prior Olympic medals, but this was his first gold.  Bode has been pretty tame lately, but makes our bad boy list because he likes to “party at an Olympic level” and owned up to skiing wasted in a 2006 interview.

Plus, c’mon ladies …

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Bode: Yummier

Shaun White will conclude our list, not because he’s yummy or because he has misbehaved, but because he is just real bad ass.  White had already locked up gold before his halfpipe final run, but he went for the Double McTwist 1260 anyways, which is just like it sounds- 2 flips with 3 1/2 twists- and he nailed it.  Not bad for a dude called the Flying Tomato.

More to come …