Polly’s Olympic Update

By Polly Sanders || Now that South Carolina’s brief flirtation with snow is melting, it is time to focus on Vancouver … where, in a very Morissettian way, there is no snow.

At least two South Carolina natives will be vying for medals, though – long-track speedskater Lauren Cholewinski (representing her home town of Rock “Thrill”) and bobsledder Mike Kohn (who hails from the “Dirty Myrtle”).

In addition to these two athletes, South Carolina is also sending a bus to the Olympics.  Yeah, that’s right … I said “bus.” USC’s experimental “Hydrogen Hybrid Bus” has been dispatched to Vancouver to help shuttle people to the events … you know, since it’s got nothing else to do.

Over 32 million watched the opening ceremonies Friday night. I have no idea how many of the 32 million were on acid, but that seemed to be the target audience for the dancing indigenous people and their techno-colored tribal wear.

Watching the athletes from Georgia enter the ceremony was very touching. They were greeted by a standing ovation in honor of the tragic death of Georgian luger Nodar Kumaritashvili.

Next, (whoa) Nelly Furtado and Bryan Adams gave a lip-syncing duet that seemed like something off of Barney, which was followed by a large polar bear sinking into the sea as villagers got stranded on chunks of melting ice (I guess the Canadians outsourced the entertainment to Al Gore).

In seamless transition, Sarah McLaughlin sang as people frolicked in the forest.  The fate of the stranded villagers is still unknown, but they’re presumed dead.

Other highlights included tap dancing, fiddlers, and a massive amount of maple leaves.  The tap dancers were entertaining, though odd, but not nearly as odd as the strange boy flying around the stage for several minutes afterwards.  All of this provided a decent build-up to my favorite peculiar act in this very quirky opening ceremony- Shane Koyczan, the slam poet they found on YouTube.

Shane urged Canadians to be more competitive.  He was very proud of his country.  He wore a beret.

In a nice reprieve of normalcy, K.D. Lang gave a gorgeous rendition of the Leonard Cohen hit “Hallelujah.”

Then (finally) it was time to light the torch, and as it should be Canadian hockey legend Wayne Gretzky was the final torchbearer.

Unfortunately, the massive cauldron had a short in the fourth prong, but games officially began anyway … one prong short.

On the first day of competition, Dancing with the Starts alum Apolo Ohno won silver in the men’s 1,500, tying Bonnie Blair as the most decorated U.S. Winter Olympian.

And though we are now only a few days into the competition, the US of A is currently leading the medal count.

Obviously, none of this matters to the man behind FITS – who has only has one interest in this entire International spectacle.

Her name? Lindsey Vonn.

After a bad crash the week before the games began, Vonn is still hoping to compete – and we know Sic is eager to see her score.