phil driving

By Phil Connor
|| This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off, waiting to worship a rat.

What a hype. Groundhog Day used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out and they used eat it!

You’re hypocrites, all of ya!

You got a problem with what I’m saying, Larry? Untie your tongue, and you come out here and talk, huh?

Am I upsetting you, Princess?

You know, you want a prediction about the weather, you’re asking the wrong Phil.  I’ll give you a winter prediction. It’s gonna be cold … it’s gonna be gray… and it’s gonna last you the rest of your life.

Once again, the eyes of the nation have turned here to this … tiny village in western Pennsylvania.

Blah blah blah blah blah. There is no way that this winter … is ever going to end … as long as this groundhog keeps seeing his shadow.

I don’t see any other way out.

He’s gotta be stopped … and I have to stop him.

“That’s not bad for a quadruped. You gotta check your mirrors … just side of your eye, side of your eye … don’t drive angry! don’t drive angry!”

EDITOR’S NOTE: Phil Connors is the lead weatherman for WPBH-TV in Pittsburgh. His wisdom comes to us via the hilarious “Groundhog Day” screenplay written by Danny Rubin and Harold Ramis. Back in reality, Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow in 2010, meaning six more weeks of winter. It was the third year in a row that Phil saw his shadow. In fact, only once in the last decade (in 2007) did Phil predict an early Spring.

UPDATE: Oh yeah … f*ck PETA.