By FITSNews || Because it’s been way too long since the last time we directed “y’alls” attention to a super hilarious website … you know, in the tradition of I’ma Let You Finish, There I Fixed It, People of Wal Mart, Awkward Family Photos or Texts From Last Night … today we’re hooking you up.
It’s called The Ultimate Hate List, and it’s the sort of pure comedic genius we would devote ourselves exclusively to were we not obligated to spend so much of our time keeping politicians honest.
From Hate #34 (Girls Night Out):
If you’re out somewhere really stupid, like a karaoke bar, and see a group of girls gathered around a giant fishbowl drink with 12 straws, singing along to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” like the song didn’t come out 30 years ago, then you are probably witnessing a Girls Night Out. If this happens, you need to get out of there, pronto …
These girls have been planning this night for a month. At least three of them currently have a really shitty man in their lives while three others are just getting over a really shitty man. The three with dateable men have been dealt subtle backhanded compliments all night about their boyfriends to make them feel guilty about not being available for the gang’s day trips to the outlet mall. All of these women hate men tonight. This of course only leaves the three women whom no self respecting man will go near and the one or two bangable ones being tightly guarded in a 3-2 zone. You can rest assured that the other girls will die before they let you steal one of their hot friends away. They are like the 300 Spartans of cockblocking. Please just trust me, it’s not going to happen.
If you’re really in the mood to perform a miracle, try firing up that karaoke machine with “We Didn’t Start the Fire” and remembering all the words.
Brilliant!
We also recommend checking out Hate #9 (Pooping Under Time Constraints), Hate #7 (Red Wine Teeth) and Hate #16 (Bad Blow Jobs).
Oh, and we really hope our founding editor reads Hate #39 (The Custom Jersey).
Sing it, Jill …
Hat-tip: W.W.S.P.
By Second that emotion January 25, 2010 at 6:00 pm
I’m hatin on Andre Bauer right now.
By BIN News January 25, 2010 at 11:14 pm
sic(k) willie.
When your kid is 4th grade at a public school and getting free and reduced meals, what are you going to say when a kid shares a link to this cr@p.
We can hear your child now, “Hey, Daddy, I just read your blog. What’s a “blow job”? And who do you do them for?”
By SnakeMD January 26, 2010 at 5:26 pm
You tell junior that all of the oxygen to your husband’s brain goes through that little p-hole down there and it was stopped up. You was just trying to clear it out! He’ll understand.