If you’ve never seen the movie The Usual Suspects, then you’ve probably never heard of “Keyser Söze.”
Speaking of which, if you’ve never seen the movie The Usual Suspects, what the hell’s wrong with you?
It’s only one of the definitive crime dramas of the last quarter century, right up there with Goodfellas and Heat, in our book. It’s also the gold standard for “twist endings,” not the predictable “saw that coming a mile away” twist endings or the annoyingly overwrought (and whiplash inducing) double and triple-twists that you see in so many movies these days.
Anyway, Keyser Söze … he’s not just evil, he’s the nexus of evil. The original gangster, if you will, a demonic underworld ruler who walks in the shadows of flames, mayhem and utter destruction, leaving behind a mythic reverence among crooks and cops alike.
Now, according to Deadspin (the sports website that’s been on the leading edge of the Tiger Woods scandals), he is also … a she?
Wait a minute … what?
That’s right, Keyser Söze has been identified as Tina Trahan, a 39-year-old Manhattan woman who has “rolled wit” some pretty elite athletes, including Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley and the “Big Hurt,” Frank Thomas.
Now, Deadspin says, she’s part of Woods’ “private plane posse,” an elusive group of social goddesses who “shimmied” into Tiger’s inner circle.
From Deadspin:
For a woman who seems to run with a pretty elite list of people, she’s amazingly un-Google-able. All of this elbow-rubbing with athletes and moguls, yet she’s like the Keyser Söze of the internet …
… she was apparently (according to the source) a member of Tiger’s private plane posse. This woman has a lot of insight into what the super-rich and super-famous do during their downtime — not just Tiger, but all of the corporate big-wigs who partook in whatever carousing occurred on some of these Tiger jaunts. But, alas, she’s a vault, because what happens in Dubai, stays in Dubai. For now. Until the gossip rags swarm. Hurry.
Yeah … three weeks and some fifteen alleged lovers later, the Tiger Woods scandal (which started as a guy running into a fire hydrant and crashing into a tree, remember?) has now morphed into the unmasking of the most legendary criminal mastermind of our time.
Who happens to be a cougar.
What can we say? The Keyser works in mysterious ways, people …
Editor’s Note: If you troll (and we mean troll) the credits of The Usual Suspects, you’ll know that Keyser Soze is played by actor Scott B. Morgan. So technically, that’s the answer to the question.
By Mike Honcho December 16, 2009 at 11:34 pm
“Editor’s Note: If you troll (and we mean troll) the credits of The Usual Suspects, you’ll know that Keyser Soze is played by actor Scott B. Morgan. So technically, that’s the answer to the question.”
As opposed to being played by Kevin Spacey – who was actually the Keyser.
By fitsnews December 17, 2009 at 12:00 am
Mike,
Once again, thanks for your patronage.
-FITS
P.S. – Oh, and thanks for ruining the ending for anybody who hasn’t seen the flic.
By Mike Honcho December 17, 2009 at 7:33 am
Or you can blame Wikipedia for doing it first – they get way more traffic than you. Or are they a collapsing aggregator like the SCHotline?