According to the narrative, having an unfaithful husband is absolutely tragic – heart-smashing and unforgettable, second only to the death of a child on the list of things a woman can never get over.
Right now Elin Nordegren, Tiger Woods’ wife, is the star in that narrative. Before her was pitiful Jenny Sanford, and before Jenny was even more pitiful Elizabeth Edwards, and before her was … well, some now-forgotten pitiful wife of a wandering man.
You know what, though? I think a lot of scorned woman are actually kind of grateful to their husbands’ mistresses. That’s not to say that these women aren’t stung, because they surely are. But I get the impression that it’s a bittersweet reckoning. After all, women are the ones who always say that, more than anything else, they’d like a wife of their own – you know, to pick up the slack and lighten the load.
Well, isn’t that essentially the role of a mistress? To charm and delight and pamper, especially when a wife is too tired, busy, or checked out?
It sounds like I’m glamorizing infidelity, and maybe I am. But what if your husband’s girlfriend is the best thing that ever happened to you? Maybe – cold as it sounds – some women prefer to hire out, to outsource marriage. Lots of women outsource childcare, after all … maybe hiring out for marriage is like daycare, only for Daddies.
What do y’all think? Am I on to something here, or plum crazy? Vote in our poll below …
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By No Reply Needed December 3, 2009 at 2:21 pm
Having grown up with both parents being ‘Marriage Counselors’ I’ve heard stories and listened to several conversations over the years my parents had concerning their clients.
When it comes to affairs that happen with marriages after the kids leave home, they tend to be the one thing that brings couples back together. Affairs, after all, are more about companionship then anything else.
We spend a lot of time and energy to get the girl and once she got we work, raise kids and don’t spend that same time together we spent while courtship was ongoing.
Couples hardly ever talk if is not about the kids, work or something going on at church or whatever. They just don’t talk about the things that drew them together.
By Jeffy01 December 3, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Mande, will you marry me?
By OhNoNotAgain December 3, 2009 at 3:08 pm
Women have to be, they say, both housekeeper and whore.
I think most women would prefer the husband to outsource the housekeeping. But maybe I’m being a cad.
By Mary December 3, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Speechless…taking a poll about affairs like you’d poll people asking if they eat breakfast on a daily basis. Apparently the writer of this article is uneducated about the devastating effects of affairs of everyone involved.
By Catherine December 3, 2009 at 3:21 pm
That is EXACTLY what I’m talking about!!!! Thank you for putting it out there! You completely bolster my argument that wives, if they prefer a man who doesn’t step out, and some women do, need to REINSTATE THE BLOW JOB!!!! I swear, blow jobs as vital to a happy marriage as agreement on finances and religion. And if a woman wants to relinquish that responsibility to a mistress (let’s face it, women are busy these days!) then that is acceptable also. What is not acceptable are women who think that they can take blow jobs off the menu, and not expect their husband to find someone who is. I’m an advocate of both lifestyles. I think open marriages absolutely have a place in society. But I can understand that monogamy is important to some. And if it is, then get on your knees!!!!!
By bo December 3, 2009 at 3:26 pm
it is clear that are you are trying way too hard to justify your presence on this site.
By Catherine December 3, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Mary,
Its not an affair if the wife knows about it.
By Crooner December 3, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Mande:
Is that yet another picture of you?
By dirtbogger December 3, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Would Stew beef and rice be good to eat for every meal for the rest of your life? I have never cheated on my wife BTW, and never would unless by the grace of god she told me she was cool with it. I love stew beef and rice however and it will put meat on the bone.
By Quiet Voice of Reason December 3, 2009 at 4:03 pm
As a single professional woman, I get hit on by married men ALL the time. Many times. Men know it is the law of supply and demand at its simplest. While there are exceptions — such as my dad and stepmom — fidelity over the long term (more than 10 years) is pretty much dead. The rules are clear in that he’s not leaving his wife, but he surely doesn’t mind having a good time with someone else.
It’s a reasonable question to ask because I’ve wondered myself if I’m alone in this thought process.
By old timey elephant December 3, 2009 at 4:17 pm
there would probably be a whole lot more bj’s if a husband didn’t come home in the afternoons smelling like another woman!! or if he would at the least take a damn bath. there are just some men out there (probably women, too) who just like having more than one or two or three!
By Ynot December 3, 2009 at 4:19 pm
Someone ask Bill Connor he thoughts on the situation
By Matt December 3, 2009 at 4:41 pm
What irks me in all the self rightous judgement of Tiger, the “love Gov”, etc, etc…is that it’s only the men who seem to get the shit beat out of them when affairs are discovered. It’s a 2 way street people! The woman involved, married or not, is just as culpable as the man. Yet all we ever hear about is how much of a cad the man is. Maybe women are better liars and at covering their tracks because, from personal experience, i can tell you that married women are looking for love in all the wrong places just as often as men.
By ethel krabitz December 3, 2009 at 4:55 pm
your article is an immature piece of drivel
By SnakeMD December 3, 2009 at 6:05 pm
A good friend of mine once told a joke at a poker party. He says: “What do oysters rockefeller and a blow job have in common? (pause) You can’t get either one at home.” We all looked at each other because no one was laughing. I turned to him and said “I have oysters rockefeller at least once a month at my house!” (everyone laughed) His wife never spoke to my wife again and they were divorced several years later. So, Catherine is right.
By sunnyvaleboy December 3, 2009 at 6:12 pm
Mande..if you do marry Jeffy01, can I be your ‘modern convience’?
By Skidmarks December 3, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Yes, you are hot. Sigh…
By Heidi December 3, 2009 at 6:17 pm
Ms. Ethel — Mande is young. This is how young people think. We were there once…remember???
By 1 + 1 = 3 December 3, 2009 at 6:45 pm
I don’t think most women want another “wife” to fuck their husbands – they want them to wash his skidmark jockeys while they get to go out to the clubs and fancy dinners.
By Mary December 3, 2009 at 7:53 pm
Catherine,
No where in the article does it state “women are aware of the affair” and that this is what the article is about. In the article it says:
“having an unfaithful husband is absolutely tragic”
“Right now Elin Nordegren, Tiger Woods’ wife, is the star in that narrative”
And I refuse to believe that you are ignorant enough to actually believe that men are shallow enough to have affairs because of their wife’s lack of blow jobs. I think that is right up there with the top 5 dumbest things I have ever heard in my life. In my opinion, you are a disgrace to women all over the world.
To some other posters: (This is only my opinion) I don’t believe men have affairs because other women are prettier. My husband had an affair about 5 yrs. ago and he had always told me that he considered himself lucky to have even went out on a date w/ me, let alone marry him. I’m not meaning to sound/be arrogant here but I needed to set the stage for what happened in my own situation. From my early 20′s to early 30′s, I was told many times that I looked like Julia Roberts and one (crazy) person even said Hillary Swank about 4 yrs ago. When my husband cheated, I had become “depressed-like” over the death of my mother, sudden and tragic death of my sister, AND my father married again one month after my mother’s death (sleez). I started to lash out at my husband and wasn’t very nice to him; I treated him like a stranger at times as well. He cheated with with an easy woman, who the men have called “dog pound” for as long as I can remember BUT she paid attention to him and treated him like he was a king, unlike me, his own wife. We were still having sex when he started the affair, BJ’s and all. It wasn’t about sex, looks, or blowjobs. It was about needing to feel loved, appreciated and needed. I learned a very valuable lesson from that affair…looks mean nothing when you treat someone badly. I was the ugliest person in the world because of my attitude towards him and others.
It took years of counseling for both of us; him for his guilt and shame to the point of being suicidal. I was devastated that the man I trusted more than anyone could do something so cruel. I have never hurt like that and I truely thought I was going to die from a broken heart or a heart attack for the first couple months because my chest would hurt so bad from the emotional pain. It is still in the back of my mind, I have forgiven him but I can never forget it…not because I don’t want to but because I can’t. I wish I could wipe all those horrid memories from my brain but they will be there forever. Our then-14 year old daughter suffered, as well. He was the last person anyone would expect because he was so loving, caring, and attentive. My daughter now has trust issues with the boys/young men she has dated. After all, if the man that no one would suspect of cheating could do this, then any one can in her mind.
Nope…when it comes to affairs, looks, blow jobs, sex, none of that matters if you emotionally neglect your spouse.
I apologize for the legnth but I feel like I must stand up for what I believe and know to be true. It is why I am so shocked as the article as it talks about affairs like they could be the best thing to ever happen to someone. They aren’t…they are the cruelest thing one human can do to another. Again, all this is my opinion…no bashing because I, too, am entitled to it.
By NotASecret December 3, 2009 at 8:32 pm
I am the mistress. The wife also knows about me AND we are friendly. We talk and exchange emails about normal every day stuff AND the man we have in common. Really. She knew about me way before I knew about her. She was much more accepting of the situation than I was at first too. She & our man have a very normal relationship with an active and normal sex life. Yup, blow jobs are included. So, I know that he’s not sexually neglected on the home front. I truly can’t say that either of us does very different things sexually than the other one does. We’re pretty similar in that regard.
It’s not just a matter of him wanting two women who are opposites of each other either (ie: a prude & a slut) Because actually, we’re very similar to each other in more ways than what we do sexually. She & I are probably more alike than I am to my own sisters.
I am the first to admit that our situation is probably not “normal” by any means but I think that it completely defies many of the pre-conceived notions people have about why men have mistresses.
By the mother December 3, 2009 at 8:45 pm
there is a certain type man who marries a woman to be HIS mother, not the mother of his children; then, that man has an affair with his office secretary of 10 years and runs around on her; and, then the secretary calls the “mother” of said man and says “he’s up to his old tricks” and “the mother” then calls the mistress of said man to stop running around on his “wife” (the office help)and all that time the only legal wife is running interference for the office wife and then believe me all HELL breaks loose (when the office wife’s fury is unleashed ….no hell hath the fury of a woman scorned,etc) very very bizarre is what the “mother’s” divorce attorney stated. In the end, the “boy” was charged with an ethics violation (because office wife was scorned) and the boy’s mother and his children have suffered ever since.. this is a true story. (of course, the man/boy/lover/husband is an attorney…and one of the “good old boys” am i bitter? no, just a whole lot happier and wiser (wish my children felt the same way..they are the ones who have suffered)HE HAS CERTAINLY NOT SUFFERED….HE HAS A NEW MOTHER
By Calhoun Fawls December 4, 2009 at 12:36 am
Mistresses of the past had the sense and the class to keep quiet. If you cause sugardaddy trouble at home, you ain’t gonna get his gifts or money any more.
By It is the way it is December 4, 2009 at 9:16 am
I would bet that 75%+ of men cheat and 60%+ of women cheat. It happens. I don’t know why people are so surprised.
All these people on talk shows, radio and TV, act like they’re shocked. Get over it.
By PasserBy December 4, 2009 at 9:18 am
Mande:
Think it’s a sign of the times that folks would even consider something like this “the norm”.
By Curious February 13, 2010 at 6:52 pm
Ynot,
What’s the scoop on Bill Connor and the “mistress” issue?
By Joey March 19, 2010 at 12:54 pm
If women were smart, they would hire a real ‘Mistress’ for their husbands. Tell them this a treat they have earned and little would they know they were just sent off to obedience school. Wife is home quietly reading a book while the “Mistress” is whipping home the point about leaving the seat down. And if the husband gets out of line, she just says “You seem distracted, do you need another fun appointment with Mistress Whiplash ?”
By Melissa March 27, 2010 at 10:35 pm
And you would know, now wouldn’t you Mande??