For those of you unfamiliar with the story, there’s a mobile home in Red Bank, South Carolina …
Wait … let’s start this over, shall we?
For those of you unfamiliar with the story, there are plenty of mobile homes in Red Bank, South Carolina … but there is one double-wide in particular on the edge of town that vandals continue to assail with red spray paint.
“WELCOME TO RED BANK …” the graffiti reads.
Seriously, they’ve repainted the double-wide trailer dozens of times, but the vandals keep coming back.
Anyway, we have no spray-painting vandals here at FITS (yet), but we do have a “Red Bank” connection – as in “Red Bank Bar,” a somewhat kooky, left-leaning (anonymous) commenter who has been a fixture on our website for over a year now. “Red Bank Bar,” for those of you who don’t read the comments, doesn’t see things quite the way we do – which is fine. This is a free country, and our wide open message board gives people a chance to enjoy that freedom by saying pretty much anything they want … without having to put their names on it.
And “Red Bank Bar,” whoever they are, clearly enjoys availing themselves of that freedom. Repeatedly.
In fact, due to diligent idiocy and consistent moronisitude, a level of selfless stupidity that truly goes above and beyond the call of doofus, we are proud to name “Red Bank Bar” the first annual wiener (and now namesake) of the “Red Bank Bar Award For Asinine Commenting,” which will henceforth be awarded the weekend before Thanksgiving each year.
Because let’s face it people … you gotta be thankful for morons. Without them, how would we look so smart?
Now without further adieu, ladies and gentlemen, here are some of the “Greatest Misses” as selected from the many, many (many) comments that “Red Bank Bar” has posted here on FITS over the last year:
Red Bank Bar on Keynesian Economics and Tax Cuts:
Keynes works, folks. Tax cuts don’t work, folks.
Red Bank Bar on U.S. Rep. Gresham Barrett:
Good for Gresham. His voting for TARP made sense then and now.
Red Bank Bar on (FITS’ own) Mande:
Mande, Mande. Geez, you’re a dumb b*tch.
Mande is a stupid b#tch. Reality bites, but that’s the case with her.
There’s only one issue here, and there’s no denying this one. Mande’s a dumb b*tch.
Red Bank Bar on the National Federation of Independent Businesses:
The NFIB is a joke just like (will) folks.
The NFIB are a total joke. They exist only to parrot RNC talking points.
Red Bank Bar on S.C. Taxpayers’ Association President Don Weaver:
Weaver’s a ‘ho.
Red Bank Bar on S.C. Rep. Jim Stewart:
Jim Stewart always has been a dumb-arse. If Daddy hadn’t set him up in bidness, he’d be broke. Nice wife, but dumb as he is.
Red Bank Bar on S.C. Rep. Tim Scott:
Mr. Scott IS A TOKEN house negro. Res ipsa loquitur. Malcolm X was right.
Mr. Scott will retire on social security before his bubba party base elects any other African Americans
A gay houseboy from Charleston …
Red Bank Bar on S.C. Rep. Eric Bedingfield:
Bedingfield is just another dumb-arse lawyer wannabee.
Red Bank Bar on the SCGOP:
Angry white trash, that’s what the Republican Party has turned into.
Unfurl a confederate flag and you’ll attract them anywhere in South Kakalacky.
Red Bank Bar on Sarah Palin:
Your airhead princess, Ms. Sarah, is a tax cheat.
Red Bank Bar on U.S. Lindsey Graham:
Little Lindsey speaks a little truth to fools and they can’t handle it. Luddites and Bigots, but, in all fairness, LL had it right.
Red Bank Bar on Ronald Reagan:
Reagan was a loon. And a liar too. His anecdotes were made up fantasies.
He presided over the largest tax increase in US history(still to this date) and is revered by fools like fitz for being a tax-cutter. He should have been impeached for high crimes and misdemeanors for selling missiles to Islamic terrorists.
He cut and ran in Lebaanon after allowing the murder of over 200 Marines.
The legacy of Reagan is tawdry and dishonest.
Red Bank Bar on Sic Willie:
Just another dumbarse post by Mr. Moral and Intellectual Bankruptcy.
…what a bunch of dumb arses led by the dumb arse in chief here at fitz.
It figures, Little wee wee Billy Folks touts a paid consultant to Faux News who says Faux News is fair and balanced. Res ipsa loquitur
Little wee wee Billy Folks has an anal obsession. Figures…
fitz, once again on the wrong side of history and progress.
Little wee-wee Billy Folks probably had to change his underwear.
You, sir, are a dumb-arse for spreading such nonsense and distributing fabrications. You have no defense yet continue to yammer.
By Liberty For Me November 22, 2009 at 1:09 am
Thanks……..I think people love to read your posts just to see how many idiots like Red Bank might enlighten us..It is still amazing though to see the level of ignorance he has reached.
By Calhoun Fawls November 22, 2009 at 5:47 am
When did I give you permission to use my photo? LOL
By Former Redbank Mobile Home Princess November 22, 2009 at 6:52 am
OMGosh! With this many quotes in one place — I think I know who this is…
By Ynot November 22, 2009 at 7:31 am
everybody has a right to their opinion , right Sic?
Is the weiner ” golden” or “tungsten”??
HAHAHA
By Soft Sigh From Hell November 22, 2009 at 8:29 am
For any “Award For Asinine Commenting” this following guy should have been in strong contention:
“By Jonny D on November 20th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Well, I’m still a little pissed about the whole Clemson cunt censorship fiasco. Nevertheless, I will answer the call and suck milk out of those titties, and then dirty sanchez that upper lip, a color change would be a nice improvement, not to mention the delightful aroma. And since my nose is already brown, let me just state what can now only be described as an undisputable fact: Fits is the Palmetto State’s most innovative and influential “new media” source. Say my name, say my name.”
By larrie November 22, 2009 at 10:41 am
Disappointed, I’m sure Mr. Pat Hendricks. My condolences, as your posts are much more entertaining, well written, and more factually accurate than RBB (who probably does not actually live in Red Bank)…
By A FITSNews Reader November 22, 2009 at 2:50 pm
I have been reading FITS News for the past couple of years and, by far, Red Bank Bar is the biggest fool to offer “comments”.
Red Bank Bar is an angry left wing nut. Probably a socialist.
Evidently based upon the many opinions expressed by Red Bank Bar, he/she is a big government personal injury lawyer who defends charging injured workers’ large fees.
By Just Say No to TV Lawyers November 22, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Red Bank Bar is the best example of what’s wrong with the TV personal injury lawyers in this state.
RBB opposes every reform that would lead to more jobs for South Carolina.
He’s also more interested in protecting his pocketbook than protecting small businesses from lawsuit abuse.
Red Bank Bar please get off my TV!
By Sir Big Spur November 22, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Sir Big Spur says that Red Bank Bar looks like a Clemson fan and demands that he return his law degree from USC!
By WorkingTommyC November 22, 2009 at 4:45 pm
I hope he doesn’t live next door to me!
By Lynnsie Gayham November 22, 2009 at 5:03 pm
That Red Bank fella’ is cute, does anyone have his cell number?
By Todd November 22, 2009 at 5:49 pm
And to think I just told my great-aunt Lydia and the girls at the home – just today at lunch – to start looking at this website……They have computer lessons on Tuesday at 2:00 pm. Oh, Lord, next Sunday’s lunch at the home is going to be so unpleasant. Similar to that day in 1999 when she gave me The Gentleman’s Guide to the New Millinium after I had pulled some other dumb prank.
By Pat Hendrix November 23, 2009 at 9:01 am
The pot calling the kettle asinine.
And in a fitting bit of irony, the original post is followed by a familiar string of words: idiot, socialism, kook, cute (?) and Clemson fan (yikes). And RBB is even accused of being responsible for SC’s high unemployment! What an accomplishment for an anonymous poster.
PS:
Larrie, I do appreciate the props, but I disagree, Red Bank is the man. He should wear this award as a badge of honor.
By Liberty For Me November 23, 2009 at 11:03 am
Pat…I know you don’t believe in stereotyping…but,I do …You have to make decisions in life based on your previous experience in life..
I would search a young middle eastern man for weapons before an old white woman in a wheelchair.I would suspect a rapper of a violent offense before I would an MIT grad with a pocket protector…and I would expect a comment starting with your name to have some socialist focused content…The odds are with me.
By Pat Hendrix November 23, 2009 at 11:30 am
“socialist focused content”
Is there a Doofus to English dictionary I can use to decipher your posts?
By Liberty For Me November 23, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Pat….I guess you are another one that will not have the guts to admit what political belief you base your comments on…..please enlighten us all
By sid November 23, 2009 at 4:12 pm
“And in a fitting bit of irony…”
I don’t think you know what that word (irony) means.
RBB is an “idiot” who promotes “socialism” (although the actual word used was “socialist”). But even if he were not, offering such opinions is certainly relative to the post, and somewhat supportive. Thus, they are not asinine, so they fail the irony test. The “cute” and “Clemson fan” comments were clearly intended as humor (so, not asinine/ironic), and while “kook” didn’t appear in any of the posts (“kooky” was in the fits piece), it would seem applicable under the previous explanation. Now, the high unemployment link post seems a bit odd, so you may have been OK had you just mentioned that. But you didn’t, making your post somewhat…well…asinine.