You are severely constipated to exhort the benefits of babysitting for your fellow readers.

The blockage extends from your big noodle (colon) all the way to your brain (little noodle).

Have yourself irrigated — but, for Christ’s sake, leave enough shit in your cranium to keep it from caving in on itself.

On second thought, clean it all out and fill up the empty area with some styrofoam peanuts.

If you don’t have the three or four styrofoam peanuts you need, some shredded newspapers will work, while likewise serving as an ample metaphor.

Except maybe when Blind Melon opened for the Stones at WB.

U2 played 3 consecutive concerts of 82,000 in Dublin in July. That’s almost 250,000! We are proud of them.

If you have not been to a U2 concert, you are missing not only the music, but a unique experience. They invest millions in the stage sets such as the giant claw to give their fans an unforgettable show. Listening to CD’s or watching videos doen’t even come close.

For the record, Elton John and each of the U2 band have houses between Nice and Monaco in the South of France and they are close friends. I don’t think either need to count fans.

That’s pop, people. Not rock.

Here’s a review of a REAL rock concert …

http://www.fitsnews.com/2009/10/04/u2-360-degrees-of-rock-comes-to-the-carolinas/

In a scoffing voice, I told the genie I wouldn’t walk across the street to look at that runt, Bono — nor Bruce Shrimpstein, for that matter — but I would pay $250 to watch one of those two get continuously raped by a striped-ass ape.

Imagine my surprise when the genie immediately swooped me into the air and carried me off to a seat in front of a glass partition, behind which was a large windowless room, where I saw Bono and an angry/horny-looking ape sitting next to each other on the floor.

The ape suddenly leaped up, ripped off Bono’s clothes and orange-tinted sunglasses and began fucking Bono doggie-style for around forty-five minutes. The ape went: “A-hoo, a-hoo, a-hoo,” the whole time.

Then he fucked Bono in the missionary position for about another half-hour. He fucked Bono reverse-cowgirl style and then spoon-fashion for another forty minutes. I laughed so hard at these proceedings that I grew sleepy and took a short nap in my chair.

When I awoke, Bono lay dazed in the corner of the room, blood trickling out of his ass and mouth, while the ape sat in another corner jacking off.

So whether you saw Bono last night in person or in a wonderful, mysterious dream like mine, I hope you too got your money’s worth.