Kahuna Cup – It’s On!

Forget the Super Bowl, Stanley Cup, NBA Finals or Summer Olympics.

Heck, you can even throw out the Great Santini League (our founding editor’s world famous fantasy baseball league).

For unrivaled competitive energy and sheer emotive drama , no athletic championship on earth matches the “Kahuna Cup” Atlantic Body Surfing Finals, which are being held this week in Myrtle Beach, S.C. (a short drive from Sic Willie and his family’s undisclosed oceanfront villa).

Before throngs of adoring, scantily-clad fans – and in the presence of the greatest trophy in all of sports – the competitors took to the waves yesterday for the first of twelve grueling surf sessions.

The rules? Yeah … on the wave, there are no rules. Pushing, biting, kicking, grabbing and pulling off your opponents’ swimsuits are all perfectly legal maneuvers. Who wins? Easy … whoever rides the wave the furthest, according to our judges.

Seriously, people. It really is an amazing competition. After all, only in the virtually weightless, resistance-free environment of a fast-moving wave is it possible for overweight, out-of-shape, completely uncoordinated white men like Sic Willie to achieve anything resembling this kind of speed.

Anyway, the five-day competition kicked off with some puny waves on Sunday, but today the body surfers are summoning the big surf with their patented “wave dance” as we speak … “o-e-o, o-e-o.”

This year’s main competition – as always – features Sic Willie, Unkie Herb, Cussin Drew, Herr Roberr, the real Slim Shady and of course, the grandmaster himself, the “Big Kahuna,” for whom the competition is named.

Wave, ho!

No wait … “the one behind it!”