FITS has just obtained a copy of a letter apparently sent by God to the “Fellowship” of “Family” politicians who hang out at the so-called “Devotional House” on C Street in Washington, D.C.
Three of these Republican politicians – Nevada Senator John Ensign, S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford and former Mississippi Congressman Chip Pickering – have recently been busted having extramarital affairs.
Anyway, here’s a copy of the letter:
TO: “Fellowship” D-Bags
From: GOD
RE: My commandments
What up douchebags, it’s me – the Alpha and Omega here.
Let Me start by saying that in the many millennia that have passed since I created this bitch (a.k.a. mother earth), I have never seen so many sorry sacs of sanctimonious sh*t gathered together in one place.
Well other than the Council of Trent, maybe.
Seriously, exactly what part of “honor Me and keep My commandments” can you narcissistic pricks not seem to wrap your puny, infantile brains around? What is it about “personal responsibility” that’s so hard for your Nero-esque egos to grasp? And no, I’m not just talking about y’all sticking your itsy bitsies (remember, I created them) where they don’t belong. That I can understand. I don’t condone it, but I understand.
What did the good Reverend call me in “Coming to America?” The “Hugh Hefner on High?” Exactly.
No, what I’m sick and tired of is you morons dragging My good name through the mud every time you get busted for being complete and total hypocrites – on stuff that’s much more important to Me than banging some skank from your political action committee, incidentally. Publicly crying out to Me because your fundamental fraudulence as human beings got exposed is not faith, it’s desperation, and I don’t care if I’m worth 20, 30, 40 or 50 points to you in the polls, I want you to stop using My name in vain.
Now.
And you, Mark Sanford … you’re the worst offender here. You ignore Me for the first twelve years of your “time in public life” and now all of a sudden you want everybody to think we’re best buds?
Well f*ck you. I want nothing to do with your tanfastic ass, which makes me not unlike your sixteen-year-old son – you know, one of the “four little boys” you ditched on Father’s Day to sneak off with your Latin “soul mate.” He’s all done with you, too, in case you haven’t noticed.
As for the rest of you C Streeters, I don’t get it … you claim to spend all this time reading My word and yet you couldn’t be any further away from it if you tried. “Did I ask too much – more than a lot? You gave Me nothing – now it’s all that I got.”
That’s My “national anthem” for your pathetic country, where the only people being honest with Me right now are the ones currently gang-raping future generations of taxpayers in the name of “change.” Meanwhile, you Pharisees are channeling Frank Luntz, banging your mistresses and consulting with your “spiritual advisors.”
Look … I gave you idiots some very simple instructions and what did you do? You did precisely as every other cabal of power-hungry whores has done since the dawn of time – you took money and freedom away from my people so that you could look good on cave drawings … err TV … and build up treasures for yourselves on earth.
I’m not kidding. I gave you assholes Thomas Jefferson, victory at Yorktown, a land of flowing milk and honey and somehow you managed to f*ck it up beyond all recognition. Seriously, you got cars, electricity, and my homey Al Gore even hooked you up with the Internet.
And what do you give me in return? Billions in Chinese-held debt.
Seriously, after receiving way too many prayers from you dipsh*ts on the subject, I even put that moron from Texas you wanted in the Oval Office for eight years (you have no idea how hard that was) and what did he end up doing? Turning surpluses into deficits and setting this nation on an unsustainable path to socialism.
And yes, in case you were wondering that’s EXACTLY why I gave you the Kenyan – along with a country that’s not safe anymore and a price tag your grandchildren will never be able to repay. Not in a million years.
Don’t get mad at Me, though. I got a commitment to the truth. I’m just keeping it real.
Oh, and pardon Me for asking but WTF is a “spiritual counselor?” Is that some new emo thing I missed? Please. Get over yourselves.
I was only “spiritual counselor” you ever needed.
Have a nice day, buttheads.
-GOD
Wow! Go God!
By Pat Hendrix July 29, 2009 at 1:37 pm
The Baptists are not going to be pleased with God’s use of profanity. Next thing you, you’ll find his son drinking wine or hanging out with hookers.
By Non-Family member July 29, 2009 at 2:17 pm
If you haven’t read “The Family” yet – the book about the C-Street crew – God and religion really has a lot less to do with it than power and money. Actually, those guys don’t seem to really care a whip about being “Christians” and they just substitute the word “Jesus” for anythign they want to get what they want, not unlike people who attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are asked to do. Political cover, plain and simple, but boy does the word “Jesus” get out those votes.
By My 2 Cents... July 29, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Excellent use of satire, fits. Right up there with A Modest Proposal.
It’s time these pseudo-Christians show their real faces.
Just remember, hope it gives you some peace of mind, that the real God may very well work out future debt, etc. that Obama administration is having to use to clean up Bush’s mess.
ALL governments are not pure anything (socialism, democracy, republic, communist, etc.). Best for them to take the aspects of each that work and blend them together to make a functional, working government.
Gotta give it to Obama, even though I’m sure in some cases he will have to result to the most hideous of actions to ensure the safety of millions, he has addressed torture, is attempting to improve foreign relations, and has a backbone that Bush never found in his time in office.
Thanks for this website, it’s awesome.
By Doyle July 29, 2009 at 9:18 pm
I love it, you have an add on the same page from something called jesus2020.com…..I don’t think they would like this Sic.
By Mike Licht July 30, 2009 at 7:29 am
The Congressional recess is almost here. Sign up for the Fellowship’s Vacation Bible School now.
See:
http://notionscapital.wordpress.com/2009/07/22/c-street-vacation-bible-school/
By SCCON July 30, 2009 at 10:52 am
Sick, SIC. You should spend more time in church yourself getting your heart right with God and less time judging people whose moral failings speak for themselves. Do you really suppose that God is any more pleased with your utterly irreverent (not to mention tasteless) attempt at humor than with these hypocritical politicians?
In case you had forgotten, Jesus invited those who are without sin to cast the first stone. As Jesus said to a judgmental crowd: “Unless you repent you will ALL likewise perish.” http://kingjbible.com/luke/13.htm
By Silence Dogood August 1, 2009 at 11:59 pm
“Three of these Republican politicians – Nevada Senator John Ensign, S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford and former Mississippi Congressman Chip Pickering – have recently been busted having extramarital affairs.”
Well, that is three THIS year, but for some reason I was thinking La-Sen. David Vitter (also extramartial affair type guy) was also a C-Street member at least at one time. He and DeMint are very close and Vitter just struck me as the type to have lived there.
By Dumbfounded February 4, 2010 at 7:05 pm
Our forefathers had it right when they set our county up to have a separation of Church and State. I truely reject the Bible thumpers who are judgemental about all of our sins and then prove we are much better at living the 10 commandments than they are. Mark Sanford loves to quote from the Bible and says he is now humbled and learned his lessons from his mistakes. He “talks the talk” but he is so far from ‘walking the walk”, it is instead a sick joke. Show us Mark!! Life is more than talk it is what we live and how me make our choices. We show our faith and beliefs by our actions and not by our words! You have chosen self- gratification. Everything is not about you!
It boggles the mind how far you are from living by God’s word. You are a penny pinching tight wad who trims the states budget on the most vulnerable of our citizens, the developmentally disabled. You say you want to cure the problems within SCDSN but then you remove a Commissioner who is one of the best who has ever served. What you say and what you do are not to be belived. I pray that you truely will one day know that just saying the right things and then not following them with actions that testify to what you speak is not going to find you Grace! I will pray for you! But how about just go away and try to find your way to the truth! I’m tired of listening to your selfserving babble! GO AWAY and take your ego with you!!!