Horace Grant Halftime Report Goes To The Dogs

What’s a very special present for the guy who helped you preserve only the 16th perfect game in modern baseball history? What’s the latest on Michael Vick’s first post-prison controversy? And what would Mooj from the 40-Year Old Virgin think of Florida quarterback Tim Tebow wearing a purity ring?

These are clearly questions that every sports fan is consumed with, but where can you get all of the answers in one place?

Glad you asked.

As we discovered earlier this week, the Horace Grant Halftime Report (written by “The Drew Franklin”) is the funniest sports blog that you’ve never heard of. Except it’s not just the funniest sports blog you’ve never heard of, it’s the funniest sports blog that nobody’s ever heard of, apparently.

This guy is going to be giving Deadspin a run for its money in a few years, people and we’ll be able to say we “knew him when.” Seriously, it’s like that time we saw Dave Matthews Band perform in front of fewer than 500 people at the Sewanee gym in 1993 – except this time we’re not high.*

To the blog!

First, here is “The” Drew’s take on how Chicago White Sox pitcher Mark Buerhle should reward DeWayne Wise for making a leaping catch to save Buerhle’s perfect game last week …

Holy shit, that catch was clutch. It will definitely be one of the best web gems of the entire season. Forget buying Dewayne a watch or an expensive bottle of liquor, Mark Buehrle should let Dewayne Wise sleep with his wife.

And here’s his analysis of who killed “Gidget,” the beloved Taco Bell dog …

“Gidget”, the dog we all came to love in the Taco Bell commercials, tragically died on Monday, July 21, 2009. Coincidentally, Michael Vick was released from federal custody on Monday, July 21, 2009. Does this mean Vick killed the precious chihuahua? Not necessarily … Vick just completed a 23 month sentence for dogfighting. Assuming he killed a dog on the day before his sentence (which I’m sure he did), Vick is fresh off of a 699 day hiatus without harming an animal. For a man that has abused dogs his whole life, that must’ve been unbearable. So on day 700, Michael Vick went back to what he has done his whole life. In order to get his animal cruelty street cred back up and prove he is still true and not a snitch, he went after a high-profile dog (killing any other dog wouldn’t suffice).

And here’s his take on what Mooj from the 40-Year Old Virgin would say to Tim Tebow …

Tim, you know what your problem is? You’re putting the p*ssy on a pedestal. You are a Heisman winning quarterback at Florida. You should be getting boy band ass. Instead, you are like the Jonas brother that couldn’t sing and dance but could run fast and throw a football. Step back and take a look at yourself, man. Those two National Championship rings are meaningless when you wear them on the same hand as your purity ring.

Yeah … it’s good stuff. And we’re hooked.

*So far as you know.

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