Pick Mande’s Pic

By Mande Wilkes • on July 1, 2009

In a few comments and a few dozen emails, FITS readers have expressed dissatisfaction with my current picture.

To say “some” have “expressed dissatisfaction” is to put it mildly. For one thing, I haven’t had this much inbox action since I declared gays congenitally defective. For another thing, it’s more “fury” than “dissatisfaction.”

According to one reader, I “must be a Mexican Asian with that fat nose and flat face.” Another thinks I resemble “that mask Robin Williams wears in Ms. Doubtfire.”

Because of the picture, somebody else is considering “no longer reading” my work, pending the result of his “rethinking [his] interest” in me. At least he once thought me attractive, unlike the reader who “understands” that a flattering photo of me is “probably impossible,” though it would behoove me to “change the picture to one that doesn’t make [me] look as ugly as” she thinks I am.

The people have spoken, and, like my picture, it ain’t pretty.

So I’m letting you choose.

Go ahead and pick my pic!

UPDATE I - Sic Willie has cast his vote for the one with “the boob.”

UPDATE II - DJ Slick says “hand party!”

Comments

By ts on July 1st, 2009 at 8:14 pm

I pick #2 — it’s the most natural.

Of course, Willie may over think the subliminal left side of the frame message.

Oh — and tell all those haters to MTOB.

What? You haven’t smashed any equipment yet?

By Notgonnahappen on July 1st, 2009 at 8:19 pm

I don’t have a problem with any of your pictures….Be interesting to see pictures of those who found you unattractive.

By Notgonnahappen on July 1st, 2009 at 8:20 pm

Follow up. But, if I had to pick a photo I would go with Sic Willie’s choice.

By Mike on July 1st, 2009 at 8:22 pm

You’re cute as hell, I just disagree with alot of your stuff. Pick any picture…

By Geez on July 1st, 2009 at 9:22 pm

How about a normal headshot done with a normal backdrop and some level of professionalism. It could add a small degree of credibility

By Biggie Tea on July 1st, 2009 at 9:57 pm

Clearly I must be in the minority, but I like the current shot. If you must change, I vote for number 2.

By DJ Slick on July 1st, 2009 at 10:09 pm

Mande,

Let me make a couple of things very clear. Your eyes make each and every picture I have seen so far nothing short of exquisite. With that in mind, I will require a few things of you. First, the name of each and every Mande detractor. I will personally deliver a holy hell ass-whipping to each one of them forthwith. Second,tell Sic that I’m running thin on patience as he has yet to introduce the two of us to each other.

I am, of course, working on my current review, and I will get it to Sic when, as I recently told him, “I am damn good and ready.” If he weren’t expecting, I would have to smack him around too.

Finally, got to side with my boy Sic on this one, and you had to know this was coming from me — go with the boob shot! Still got a view of the eyes and the rest speaks for itself.

PS: Hey Geez — grow a pair. this girls is train smoke hot and I’m not interested in a freaking normal headshot. You need a smack.

By baked on July 1st, 2009 at 10:56 pm

gotta go with the cleavage. show a little leg, too

By madcock on July 1st, 2009 at 11:04 pm

Mande, I think all of the pics are good. So since they are basically even, I guess I’d go with Will and vote for the one with the boob.

Since, by your definition, that flat nose of yours is a birth defect, (i.e.. most people don’t have flat noses, hence flat noses aren’t normal, hence a flat nose is a birth defect), the southern gentleman in me has hard time making fun of your nose as I was raised not to make fun of birth defects.

Knowing how you hate inconsistency, I’m sure you’ll appreciate my line of thinking there

On another note, have you tried to hook up with King David the Adulterer? You really do have kind of a South American/Andean Indian look going on and the boy seems to have a weakness for that. You two could share stories of your crushes on Ayn Rand, and maybe he could grease the skids for you on your next bar exam.

Later.

By luigi colletta on July 2nd, 2009 at 1:25 am

Who are you people and how did i get to this site? Anyhoo while Im here I vote for the boob.

By Mande Wilkes on July 2nd, 2009 at 2:56 am

“Madcock” –

Ayn Rand? AYN RAND?? How…derivative. As if! Rand’s all about selfishness. I’m all about *humanity*. Shocked, I’m sure.

-Mande

By Mande's husband on July 2nd, 2009 at 2:59 am

Speaking from experience, the boobs are nice, exquisite actually. And the eyes, well…you can only imagine. So my vote goes for picture #4 – a perfect combination of both.

But you really should see her in person. Except for DJ Slick…you don’t need anymore encouragement. Or any more material for your hand party.

By the way, she’s sitting on my lap as I type this. Eat your hearts out guys.

By Mande's husband on July 2nd, 2009 at 3:02 am

I said eat your heart out guys. Should have said girls too!

By checo on July 2nd, 2009 at 7:47 am

i heartily concur with Sic’s choice and vote for “the boob”!!

By Trey on July 2nd, 2009 at 8:56 am

None of the above. You clearly have the makings of a great picture but none of the ones you posted are congruent with the stuff you right. There is a disconnect between the person in the picture and the person on the page.

Trey

By Toyota Kawaski on July 2nd, 2009 at 9:02 am

Looks like the goat i will Que up with the Puerto Rico clan down the street on Saturday

By follydude on July 2nd, 2009 at 10:02 am

will you go to the prom with me?

By Pat Hendrix on July 2nd, 2009 at 10:48 am

I have to go with four. Sure the head is cut in half, but you get the breast shot tossed in.

By Hmmmmm on July 2nd, 2009 at 1:35 pm

Wow – I pick #4 then #5 – you are very photogenic.

By luigi colletta on July 2nd, 2009 at 2:01 pm

I thought i saw a wedding ring in one of the potos…ugh. Please no more talk of yer old man it ruins the hand party..i kinda like this place after all.Speaking of old men is that where you got the incongruent appaiedo ?

By Why not... on July 10th, 2009 at 2:23 pm

How about using your CSoL composite pic, Mande?

By Mande Wilkes on July 10th, 2009 at 3:03 pm

“Why not…” -

On the day the composite pic was taken, I was rather conveniently otherwise engaged. Can I help it if I’m a sucker for the red velvet from Cupcake on King?

C’est la vie…

By .. on July 11th, 2009 at 9:33 pm

Please tell Willie to correctly spell v-e-r-b-i-a-g-e on your feature page.

You Go, Mande!

By .. on July 11th, 2009 at 9:36 pm

Nevermind.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/verbage

I will never understand you kids.

By mad on July 12th, 2009 at 2:55 pm

THere’s something really thriving about that picture of yours. It remains fresh like the smell of a delicate flower in the morning. But one that has thorns around it.

By Mab on July 13th, 2009 at 6:54 pm

Mad — like this?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thistle

I dibbies ~AmericanThistle~ for my flower genre.

Mande — now you pick yours.