Because You Were Dying To Know

Since the entire world (free and non-free) has been on pins and needles waiting to find out what Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick named the twin babies that just popped out of their surrogate mother’s uterus, let’s cut right to the chase.

Their names are Ferris and Carrie …

Except no, not really.

“Really,” here’s the scoop from People:

Call it bliss & the city!

Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick said Tuesday they were “delighted to announce the healthy arrival of their two daughters” – twins born Monday afternoon in Ohio via a surrogate.

“The babies are doing beautifully and the entire family is over the moon,” the couple say in a statement confirming earlier reports.

Born at 3:58 p.m., Marion Loretta Elwell weighed 5 lbs., 11 oz, and Tabitha Hodge Broderick weighed 6 lbs. “Both Hodge and Elwell are family names on Parker’s side,” the statement explains.

Thank God the statement explained that, because otherwise it’s doubtful we’d have been able to sleep.

From whence these exquisite appellations! Torment us no longer, gossip temptress!

And seriously, Mr. Mike Fleeman. “Call it bliss & the city?” Let’s dig a little deeper next time, dude. Oh, and you might want to consider changing that “l” to an “r” because otherwise people are going to assume your last name is a typo.

Seriously, how many times have you had to frustratedly explain, “no, it’s not Freeman” to people?

Life really is too short …

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