The Great National Drama’s New Addition

That mall rat with the Panera bag and cheap purse (sorry, we’re on a “be nice” kick today) is none other than Deanna Hummel, the girl who is allegedly getting boinked by reality TV dad Jon Gosselin of the TLC show Jon & Kate Plus 8 (a.k.a. The Great National Drama).

She’s 23 and ordinary in every possible way, except of course for all the paparazzi following her around – which, seriously girlfriend, you really should tell your little redneck Pennsylvania friends to stop looking so excited about it. You may get one-fifteenth of a second of fame … if you’re lucky.

And in case you were wondering, our founding editor has lived in Pennsylvania before and all the girls up there really do look just like that … well, except for Emily, and Laura, and Jessica, and Beth, and Carmen and … you know what? We should probably stop there …

Anyway, Hummel is in the news (such as it is) because she decided to spend Kate Gosselin’s birthday halfway across the country with, um, Kate’s husband, who according to “the new” US Weekly is basically a cheating, pot-smoking douchebag:

“Hey, it’s Kate’s birthday,” Jon told a local friend, the new Us Weekly reports. “I should get her something.” Despite visiting a jewelry store, the pal says Jon never followed through. Instead, he spent the day downing free Budweisers with Deanna at the event.

That night, a source says Jon and Deanna “curled up” at the Downstairs bar (co-owned by actors Chris and Danny Masterson), adding, “It was snuggle-o-matic.”

As the night wore on, Jon and his hard-partying pals began “reeking of pot. I know that the kids he’s hanging out with like a little herbal substance.”

“Snuggle-o-matic?” Herbal substance?

Is it just us or does US Weekly need some sources who are, maybe, straight?

Anyway, the image we had of Jon helping some cerebral palsy kid ski down the Utah slopes is officially shattered. Oh well, at least he’s still getting freebies …

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