“Poopie” Is Recovering Super-Nicely

New England Patriots’ quarterback Tom Brady (a.k.a. “Poopie,” a.k.a. “Stetson,” a.k.a. “Sensitive Quarterback Man”) is recovering at superhuman speed from a brutal knee injury that cost him the entire 2008 season.

Brady tore both his anterior cruciate and medial collateral ligaments when he was sacked by Kansas City Chiefs’ safety Bernard Pollard midway through the first quarter of last year’s season-opener in New England.

The previous year, Brady set an NFL record with 50 touchdown passes in leading the Patriots to their fourth Super Bowl in seven years, a game they eventually lost to the New York Giants.

From the LA Times:

Dr. Neal ElAttrache told The Times that Brady “even exceeded what I thought he was going to be able to do, and I was expecting big things from him.”

With Brady’s permission, ElAttrache spoke about the knee reconstruction, treatment of a subsequent infection and the patient’s unwavering focus to recuperate in time to play this season.

“With regard to his recovery of strength, I’ve never seen anything quite like it,” said ElAttrache, an orthopedic surgeon specializing in sports medicine at the Kerlan-Jobe Clinic in Los Angeles. “With an average person, it would have taken probably twice as long to get range of motion and strength back.”

What the hell is it with this guy? Seriously, even his friggin’ ligaments are superhuman?

We were already insanely jealous of Brady’s three Super Bowl rings, two Sportsman of the Year Awards, passing records and regular ownership of our beloved Indianapolis Colts, but now he’s got ligaments that heal twice as fast as everybody else’s?

That hardly seems fair …

We also hate the fact that he is probably the best looking dude on the planet, is married to Gisele and makes chicks everywhere swoon because he’s so sweet and “sensitive.”

Obviously, we’re happy (ahem) that Brady is going to be healthy enough to play in 2009, but we were thinking he’d be out a little bit longer than this …

Damn you, Poopie.