“Tump-Tump?”

If the only reason – and we mean the only reason – that anybody would ever vote for you had to do with your name, why would you ever want to mess that up?

Seriously, “Carroll A. Campbell III” may have a whiff of Simpsonville to it, but in South Carolina it passes for distinguished – plus it’s got roman numerals, which Sic Willie can tell you is wildly popular with the ladies.

Yet because he hangs out exclusively with white people and lacks much in the way of brain cells, Carroll A. Campbell III has chosen to ditch his dignified patronymic and go with “Tumpy” instead.

Like … for his name.

And “Tumpy” – who recently announced that he was running for Congress – apparently has a sobriquet on top of that.

Specifically?

“Tump-tump.”

Yes, you read that right.

Apparently, this is the new moniker bestowed upon Campbell by his Charleston-based publicist/ ex-paramour/ girlfiend – who also happens to pose as an objective reporter for a local TV station in “Tump-Tump’s” would-be Congressional district.

Now don’t get us wrong, Sic Willie has absolutely no room to talk about illicit relations with the Fourth Estate. In fact, his whole “communications plan” during the early days of the Sanford media juggernaut was to sleep with as many TV babes as possible.

Worked pretty well, too.

But last time we checked, none of them ever kicked the “tan in a can” … nor did they ever say anything as ridiculous as “Tump-Tump.”

Oh, and Sic never felt the need to feed them questions to ask at gubernatorial press conferences, either …

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