Everything Katy Perry Does Is Awesome

The dumber her stunts and outfits, the more we love Katy Perry.

Seriously, what is this control she has over us?

In an effort to top her fruity Grammy award appearance, Perry got dressed up in seashell attire last week and descended from a massive scallop – all while sticking our her tongue and wearing (gasp!) ballet flats.

Ballet flats?

Are you kidding us?

We HATE ballet flats. In fact, in our benevolent dictatorship there would be a concentration camp for anybody who wears them in public – and no, we don’t care if they’re comfortable.

We demand calf accentuation, people.

And yet along comes Katy Perry, in her ballet flats, delicately soothing us and telling us it’s going to be alright.

Which – amazingly – we all of a suddent know that it will.

There’s something maternal, mammalian at work in her, taking us back to something in our youth …

But what could it be?

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