This Line Never Works

As the preeminent puba of several fantasy sports franchises, our founding editor knows plenty about jiggling his joy stick.

Which – let’s face it – is what the whole video game craze is all about.

Sometimes we play against other people, sure, but at the end of the day video gaming is basically high-resolution, non-messy masturbation – without the guilt-inducing sexual component, obviously.

It’s also the bane of many a woman’s existence.

Anyway, we were making our daily visit to the website Marriage Confessions this morning when we stumbled upon this article, in which a pregnant wife (Katie) relates her experience trying to battle this pernicious beast for the attentions of her man …

… he was PLAYING PLAYSTATION IN THE BASEMENT. That’s right. Playstation. In the basement. While his wife was having major contractions upstairs. At one point, he poked his head up from his digital hockey empire long enough to ask me how I was feeling (exact words: “How’s it goin’ babe?”). I mentioned that things were getting a little more intense and it would be nice if he could hang out with me for a little while.

“Sure,” he replied. “Let me finish this game.”

Ruh-roh.

“Let me finish this game.”

Come on, guys. Be honest. Unless you’re a catcher for the other team, chances are these words have escaped your lips at some point.

But stop and think about this for a second – has the reaction that’s followed the utterance of these words ever been good?

In other words, have you ever told your woman “let me finish this game” and ended up finding her even remotely pleased (to say nothing of horny) upon your eventual return to the real world?

Since our founding editor daily achieves bold and daring new athletic exploits in various digital hockey, football and baseball empires, we figured we’d run it up his flagpole and see.

“The pause button is a useful and easy-to-use feature,” Sic told us. “And at some point women get tired and pass out.”

Wait … what?

“They eventually get tired and go to sleep, at which point you un-pause the game.”

Brilliant.

It’s amazing he doesn’t write an advice column …