Matt Garza: Relax, Don’t Do It

First they take the “Devil” out of Devil Rays and now this …

Last year’s ALCS MVP Matt Garza – of the Tampa Bay Rays (no Devil) – showed up yesterday at an event sponsored by the curiously-named “Candie’s” foundation with Heroes star Hayden Panettierre and Bristol Palin.

Why is “Candie’s” curiously-named in this case?

Because unlike the Bow Wow Wow song, the foundation is promoting abstinence, something Garza and Palin both have experience not practicing.

Obviously, we all know about Palin’s situation, but Garza?

According to Bugs & Cranks, he got his wife pregnant when he was seventeen. Which is obviously before he started making ridonkulous MLB bank with the Twins and then the Devil Rays. Sorry, the Rays. Get behind us, Satan!

Panettierre’s role in all this? Who knows, but our guess is she was there to make the whole thing even more difficult on poor Garza.

Seriously, this guy’s supposed to think about abstinence with Hayden Panettierre and Bristol Palin on his arm?

That’s like asking Barack Obama to look at two banks (or auto makers) and not try to nationalize them.

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