This Is Sic Willie In Seven Years

For those of you who haven’t heard, Sic Willie and his lovely bride will be welcoming a baby girl into their family this summer.

With that info in mind, please enjoy this report from Deadspin as you ponder his future as a girls soccer coach …

If George Patton had coached a girls soccer team, he probably would have run things this way; only without so many references to red meat. Meet Michael Kinahan, ex-coach of the Scituate, Mass. Green Death.

Kinahan resigned as the coach of the 6- and 7-year-old girls team before the season even started, due to a hilarious and possibly insane email sent to parents as a way to introduce himself.

Kinahan’s pre-season e-mail – referred to as a “Unabomber tirade” in one local media outlet – included the followed instructions on parents’ sideline behavior:

It is imperative that we all fight the good fight, get involved now and resist the urge to become sweat-xedo-wearing yuppies who sit on the sidelines in their LL Bean chairs sipping mocha-latte-half-caf-chinos while discussing reality TV and home decorating with other feeble-minded folks. I want to hear cheering, I want to hear encouragement, I want to get the team pumped up at each and every game and know they are playing for something.

He also references wanting his 6- and 7-year-old girls to “chase every ball and dig in corners like a Michael Vick pit bull.”

Kinahan also provided his thoughts on the girls’ proper diet, by way of an enjoyable detour into social Darwinism.

America’s youth is becoming fat, lazy and non-competitive because competition is viewed as “bad”. I argue that competition is good and is important to the evolution of our species and our survival in what has become an increasingly competitive global economy and dangerous world. Second place trophies are nothing to be proud of as they serve only as a reminder that you missed your goal; their only useful purpose is as an inspiration to do that next set of reps. Do you go to a job interview and not care about winning? Don’t animals eat what they kill (and yes, someone actually kills the meat we eat too – it isn’t grown in plastic wrap)? And speaking of meat, I expect that the ladies be put on a diet of fish, undercooked red meat and lots of veggies. No junk food.

Who’s with me? Go Green Death!

Yeah … this is so Sic Willie in seven years.

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