It Travels Through Time?

So this is the new Texas Stadium, which we can only assume travels through time, shoots bolts of lightning from its arse and knows the air speed velocity of both African and European unladen swallows.

For $1.3 billion, it better do all that and then some.

Currently, the Stadium doesn’t have a name. It’s being called new Texas Stadium or new Dallas stadium for the moment because owner Jerry Jones hasn’t found a bailout bank to pony up for a lucrative naming rights contract.

Locals call it “Jerry World.”

Jones is also having trouble selling the premium seats, which run as much as $340 per seat (per game), as well as the luxury boxes.

Specifically, 2,000 of 15,000 premium seats and 50 of 300 luxury boxes remain unsold.

How come?

Well, people are broke these days.

Oh, and there’s also the up-front “personal seat licenses,” which are one-time fees that run as high as $150,000 for some seats.

Did we mention that was cash money up front?

From the WSJ:

The Cowboys will have seats that go for as little as $59 a game, but they’re much farther from the action than in the old Texas Stadium. Mr. Jones notes the game can still be seen clearly on the video board.

Really? The game can still be seen clearly on the video board?

Because that sounds an awful lot like watching the game on TV, which you don’t have to pay “as little as $59″ for.

Plus, let’s be honest, it’s the friggin’ Cowboys – quite possibly the most washed-up franchise in all of sports.

In more ways than one, this ain’t the nineties, folks.

Well, we take that back – the City of Arlington did chip in $325 million for the stadium.

Update – BTW, that WSJ article we linked to above is really worth a read.