“Two Satellites Colliding …”

Dave Matthews calls them “peeping toms for the mother station,” and we’re pretty sure lots of other artists have sung about them.

Seriously, “two satellites colliding” just sounds like a song lyric you’ve heard before, doesn’t it?

Or maybe we’re mixing Dave Matthews and INXS, which has been known to happen when we dabble in autoerotic asphyxiation.

Anyway, whatever you call them, there are two fewer of these man-made orbital machines hovering overhead tonight after a Russian-made satellite collided with one of its American counterparts earlier this week – 485 miles above Siberia.

No word yet on whether they exchanged insurance information, or if anybody hollered “Whiplash!”

Amazingly, this is the first time two satellites have collided in space, which is pretty surprising considering that there are more than 6,000 of these things buzzing around the planet at insanely fast speeds.

The U.S. satellite involved in the heavenly incident is – or was – owned by the company Iridium, while the Russian satellite was said to be “defunct.”

To which we can only say, would you trust this guy?

Now the real question … is any of this space junk going to fall on us?

Well, this week’s collision was said to have produced a “massive could” of debris, although experts have said that the wreckage will likely burn up in the earth’s atmosphere.

And we believe everything experts say, without exception.

Space traffic controllers are worried about some of the debris hitting other satellites, though, which means that your cell phone will probably stop working in, like, five minutes.

Sorry ’bout that.

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