We Are Tools Of “The Lucifer”
Some redneck town in the South Carolina backwoods is apparently pretty pissed off at us these days.
In fact, things have gotten to the point that the local Freewill Baptist Church took a break from handling snakes and speaking in tongues to publicly vent a little frustration in our direction.
And amazingly, the church isn’t even located in Anderson County.
First of all, we don’t even know where Ninety Six, S.C. is …or why anybody would name a town after a number … or whether it should be hyphenated or not.
We went with “not.”
Second, it’s doubtful anyone within a country mile of Ninety Six is computer-literate … or plain literate, for that matter.
Third, it’s not “The Lucifer.” No one can be a tool of “The Lucifer.” It’s just Lucifer, and yes, “pleased to meet you,” too.
Finally, c’mon preacher. Your daughter swore up and down that she was legal before we shot the video.
Can you really blame Sic Willie for taking that on faith?
Editor’s Note: We’re kidding about all of this, obviously. There is no First Freewill Baptist Church in Ninety Six, S.C., and we made up every word of that sign (and this story). Of course, now that your chain has been yanked, you can go to www.churchsigngenerator.com and create your own funny church sign. E-mail them to us and we’ll post the best submissions!
Comments
By bob on February 11th, 2009 at 8:34 am
While I don’t see you as a tool of Lucifer, your mixture of at least ‘R” rated content on a political website does give me problems.
While some politics may be “R” rated, I want my semi porn on semi pron sites and politics on political sites.
Ya think that’s what they are referring to?
By Betty Lou Thelma Liz on February 11th, 2009 at 9:53 am
The funniest beauty shop sign I’ve seen was in a front yard in East Texas:
“Curl Up and Dye”
By Bob Beardon on February 11th, 2009 at 10:50 am
I agree with Bob in post #1.
By Betty Lou Thelma Liz on February 11th, 2009 at 11:02 am
You-Bobs haven’t figured it out yet–but the minute you complain, Sic One gives you more of what you are complaining about. There’s a name for it I’m sure.
http://www.fitsnews.com/2009/02/11/kristy-swanson-is-crazy/
By Earl Capps on February 11th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Will, you know they might be right?
By You said Semi... on February 11th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Come on people…anyone who says nice, supple melons don’t give you a smile is either damaged goods or lying. Most of America and pretty much the entire European continent is happy to acknowledge it openly. Only in the south do people live this double life pretending you don’t have any peccidilos.
Just ask the Catholic church how well that whole sexual repression thing worked out for them.
By Joe on February 11th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
If you don’t like it, don’t read it. Get your politics elsewhere. You people are goofy.
By Earl Capps on February 11th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
You … I’ll agree with you – melons are good for one’s health AND state of mind.
But before you diss Catholic clergy, you outta ask my priest … and his wife too. That’s just the wild and crazy Romans who think that way. The rest of the Catholic Church never adopted the celibacy rule.
By HCB on February 11th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
Will, you’re taking shots at a Freewill Baptist Church. Granted, they put up a sign about you. Funny, got it. But aren’t Free Will Baptists kind of . . . an easy target? As P.J. O’Rourke has said (or is supposed to have said), making fun of fundamentalist Christians is like shooting a milk cow with a high-powered rifle. Let the picture stand. Taking shots at these people – and heaping extra contempt on the town of Ninety Six (as if calling a small South Carolina town a bunch of redneck illiterates hasn’t been done about a trillion times by Hollywood) – just makes you look like some pompous know-it-all college kid.
Oh wait . . .
By Mab on February 11th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
There’s the name for it!
“pompous know-it-all college kid”
AKA
THE A55HOLE.
Jimmy Buffet did a song about him. It’s called “The A55hole Song.”
http://www.lyricsdownload.com/jimmy-buffett-the-asshole-song-lyrics.html
By Mab on February 11th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
;)
By James the Foot Soldier on February 11th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
OMG….do we have a reading comprehension problem in this state or what?
Not to mention a mathematics problem at the Statehouse…but I digress….
This is going to be too fun!
By x on February 11th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
thanks for passing this on.
ahhhh.. greatness!
By Earl Capps on February 12th, 2009 at 12:01 am
HCB – in this state you can find plenty of illiterates and not leave the boundaries of any metropolitan area. No need to spend the time and gas to go looking for them.
By Chris on February 12th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Mab – Jimmy Buffet never sang or wrote that song.
“The I-95 Asshole Song”
Performed by August Campbell and the Spur of the Moment Band
Written by August Campbell
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0365125/soundtrack
</rant>
By Mab on February 12th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Chris,
By golly, you may be right about write; roght about wrote.
But Jimmy Buffet is the only one I have ever heard singing it. And I probably have many more moons behind me than your young self!
Ahh — many people claim it…many people are afflicted by it…
So long as everybody appreciates it and has one.
http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview/id/520603.html
By Mab on February 12th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
…wonder what Chris means with ?
Whose , what , where the hell did I ?
http://www.frampton.com/feel.html
By Mab on February 12th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
OK. This disappeared into the blogosphere before:
Not one to give up, let’s try it again. Try it for yourselves at home.
…wonder what Chris means with ?
Whose , what , where the hell did I ?
By Mab on February 12th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Grr..What is the deal with the ” left carrot, slash, rant, right carrot “
By Chris on February 13th, 2009 at 2:02 am
Sorry, Mab. It’s just the “internet” way of ending a rant. In the world of HTML, you close (or end) tags with syntax like this:
<body&rt;
Some stuff goes here.
</body&rt;
</rant&rt; is, therefore, the end of my brief rant.
You’re having issues copying and pasting it because you can’t normally post code in a comment. It lets people more devious than I do bad things. I escaped the HTML so it’s harmless hackety-wise, but still displays on the page.
Also, have you actually seen Jimmy Buffett sing the song? Because I have heard it attributed to him but never met anyone who said they’ve seen him perform it.
By Chris on February 13th, 2009 at 2:02 am
See, I broke it too.
By Mab on February 13th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
Gosh. I am being ambushed. You with the techy stuff on one side…BIN with the emotional issues on the other. I am just trying to live my life and be a good person and live within the parameters of what is n- n- n- normal.
The only time I have ever heard Jimmy Buffet sing this was on a [gasp] cassette tape. On a road trip from New Orleans to somewhere in Florida. It was a bad trip.
By Mab on February 16th, 2009 at 9:06 am
Chris,
THIS is a rant:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbVw7entkxg)
We Americans have let ourselves go pacifist for too long.
Can we ever compete with the Chinese again?!?