Gresham Barrett Is Captain Obvious

“Slippery when wet.”

“Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.”

“Never siphon by mouth.”

These are all things we know intuitively … in fact, we’re pretty sure gas pumps no longer even carry the “never siphon by mouth” warning … because let’s face it, people pretty much get that.

Even if they can’t read.

So why, oh why, we wonder, does U.S. Rep. Gresham Barrett throw out a press release yesterday that’s the equivalent of one of these painfully self-evident statements – a heaping mass of stale rhetoric and regurgitated talking points that includes some useful numbers, but nothing in the way of substantive policy.

From the good Congressman’s office:

In South Carolina there are roughly 82,000 small businesses, and those small businesses provide jobs to more than ninety-seven percent of our state’s workforce. From 2004 to 2005, small businesses were responsible for more than half of all the new jobs created in our state. These numbers tell us one thing; the key to growing our economy is stimulating small business growth.

“In these uncertain times, we must restore a sense of certainty by empowering small business to create jobs, and more government spending is not the answer. We need to do what we know works, and that’s cutting taxes.”

Well, congratulations Congressman.

No really, you’ve pretty much got your finger on the pulse of it – even if your talk doesn’t always match your walk when the going gets tough …

But hey, that was then, and this is certainly encouraging rhetoric that we’re pretty sure South Carolinians have never heard before from their politicians … well, assuming, of course, that your Captain Obvious has never met our Mr. Sarcasm.

Because if he had, he would know that this sort of thing – while it sells up there in the sticks of the Third Congressional District (a.k.a. the “Land That Time Forgot) – probably won’t get much traction with anybody whose IQ is above functional retardation.

Unless, of course, it is accompanied by real policy proposals like these. And these.

Like all of Barrett’s former colleagues in the General Assembly who are still saying one thing on the stump and doing another behind the closed doors of their State House offices, lines are being drawn in the sand, Mr. Congressman.

And you’re either going to end up on the right side of those lines or you’re not – because if this state has proven anything it’s that saying you’re for “less government and lower taxes” is worth about as much as a Tampon coupon.

Or the used product.

Talk is cheap. It’s what you run on and implement that matters.

To borrow Barrett’s Captain Obvious persona, we all know he is putting out meaningless statements like this because he’s running for governor in 2010.

However … and we’re just asking here … could there have been another motivation behind this bit of political (and largely ignored) pablum?

Wait … we may have found it …

“I applaud Senator DeMint for including many of these measures in his jobs plan, which experts estimate will create nearly eighteen million jobs in the next ten years.”

Hmmm … sure “Smells Like Endorsement Courting” to us.

Look, Barrett is a decent enough guy with a good – but not great – voting record.

In fact, if we had to choose among the “establishment three” candidates sitting at the front of the short bus at the moment we would have to say Gresham is the least nauseating.

But frankly, he has a long, long way to go until he’s worthy of picking up the reformist mantle, and we’re honestly not entirely sure he’s got the chops to get from Point A to Point B.

Nor do we have faith that he would consistently do the right thing by all of our wallets and pocketbooks in the unlikely event he got there.

After all, being the lesser of three ignoramuses does not a good governor make.

Seriously, Tom Davis, Nikki Haley, Chad Walldorf … where y’all at?

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