Lance Armstrong Is Frightening Us

Looking less like an inspirational wristband dispenser and more like some psychotic Gregorian monk who wants to ritualistically devour your organs, this morning we have Lance Armstrong on the cover of ESPN.com.

And yes, we’re also wondering if got possessed by that Underworld: Rise of the Lycans ad.

Seriously, whatever it was Lance Armstrong was going to talk about in this ESPN article will remain an eternal mystery to us.

Why? Because the second his possessed face popped up on our screen we instinctively stabbed our computer monitor in its heart with a silver blessed cross.

In fact, we recommend you do the same.

Like right now …

Seriously …

No kidding …

You better hurry …

And yeah …

… too late.

At this point, Lance Armstrong has drained your body of all of its fluids and is ringing Hannibal Lecter up to see if he’s had breakfast yet.

Way to start the day, dumbass. We’re sure your coworkers are impressed.

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