Sex & Drugs At The Inauguration

As the eight-year veil of imagined D.C. traditionalism evaporates, a gauzy headiness is setting a new political tone in the city that ostensibly sets that political tone for the rest of the country.

In short: It’s party time in Washington, and in a big way.

And while Barack Hussein Obama may be the guest of honor, this is decidedly a party for the people.

That’s where the prostitutes and drug dealers come in, people …

And despite the feigned indignation with which both professions are viewed by elected officialdom, hoes and blow are both converging on D.C. from all over to host maybe the biggest party ever – attended by an estimated two million people!

All those people partaking of the easy drugs and the guaranteed sex, together with a ’tis-the-season euphoria, is turning the inauguration events into a kind of wintertime spring break – blustery, sure, but not any worse for the winter wear.

Prostitutes – both female and male – and cocaine dealers expect to make a killing serving and servicing the inauguration attendees. Says one cocaine dealer:

I’ve had people calling me about this for weeks. I just sold out. I gotta re-up.

Speaking of the economics of the thing, it’s kind of a shame that, come April, this business boom can’t be reported as income. If it could, Washington might be able to halt the money-printing machines for an hour or so.

Anyway, the whole thing is like one super-sized, government-sponsored resurgent Woodstock – except that Woodstock celebrated hippie iconoclasm and, judging from everything else about Washington, hippies are currently more chic culture than counterculture.

And it could be that this uber-inauguration bash will yield more than hangovers and morning-after pills.

Perhaps it’s a harbinger of a change (!) political revelers can believe in: Brazen and bad, for once, rather than shrouded and shushed.

In related news, there’s even an option for those attendees who can’t afford a prostitute.

Craigslist is brimming with ads requesting dates for the inaugural events, most of which make mention of the poster being “d/d free,” whatever that means.

Wait … Sic Willie just told us.

The following insta-classic is from the Craigslist ad that’s pictured below:

26 swm despondent McCain supporter looking for a little payback on inauguration night with a deliriously happy Obama voter. All the intensity of post-fight sex without having to go through any of that messy relationship nonsense?! No timeline for early withdrawal, we’re staying in til the job gets done, (probably less than 100 years).

Bonus points for vegans, white chicks with dreadlocks, or anyone who can prove they voted for Nader in 2004.

Here’s the ad … just in case you wanted to log on and reply:

Oh, and because Craigslist is for the frugal-minded, there are plenty of postings offering free lodging during inauguration week.

That’s a lot of savings, people.

Those ads do require you submit a picture, of course … but otherwise it’s totally no strings attached free inaugural digs.

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