Porn Kings Want Bailout, Too

Following the lead of wealthy bankers, government-sponsored lenders and non-competitive automakers, Hustler’s Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis are asking the federal government for a bailout owing to a precipitous drop in the sale of adult videos, according to the website TMZ.com.

Go ahead and insert your own “limp dick” joke here: (        ).

Hey, that was a good one.

Anyway, the pair are seeking $5 billion to cover what they claim is a 22% decline in the sale of XXX-rated DVD’s.

From TMZ:

“With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind,” Flynt says. “It’s time for Congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America.”

Francis sees his industry like the big three automakers, only BIGGER: “Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation’s most important businesses; we feel we deserve the same consideration.”

You know, we make it a point never to argue with people when they’re right.

Except we’re obviously kidding, because this is the most wrong-headed thing we’ve seen since we introduced you to Bobby Harrell’s fluffers.

Like making cars, making erections is also a business … and business is slow right now and probably will be for some time.

But that doesn’t mean it’s our job as taxpayers to bail the smut peddlers (or anybody else) out.

This is the way the cookie crumbles, people, and there’s no sense running up insane debt trying to stop a global economic tsunami that’s going to play itself out no matter how many tens of trillions of dollars we spend trying to build a dam to stop it.

President-elect Yo-bama will no doubt try and score some PR points with Bible-thumping white people by taking a “firm” stand against the Porno Bailout, but the smut merchants getting the “short end of the stick” won’t do a damn thing to the inexorable slide toward fiscal oblivion … and for that matter, socialism.

Washington’s hard-on for bailouts will continue unabated … just not “masturbated.”