Be Quiet During Benjamin Button

Sic Willie and his phallus-equipped family members are having another one of their testosterone-laced “Five Guys” movie nights this coming Monday, but The Curious Case of Benjamin Button probably won’t be on their viewing list – and not just because they’re all heterosexuals.

As it turns out, the men in Sic’s family aren’t the “strong, silent types,” and it looks like talking too much during this movie could get you killed.

From the AP:

A man enraged by a noisy family sitting near him in a movie theater on Christmas night shot the father of the family in the arm, police said.

James Joseph Cialella, 29, of Philadelphia, told the man’s family to be quiet, then threw popcorn at the man’s son, police said. The victim told police that Cialella was walking toward his family when he stood up and was shot.

Detectives called to the United Artists Riverview Stadium theater in South Philadelphia found Cialella carrying the weapon, a .380-caliber handgun, in his waistband, police said.

Look, we’re into Brad Pitt’s still-exquisite abs as much as the next gaggle of gals (and we’re sure Sic secretly is as well), but it never occurred to us to turn around and pop a cap into somebody for interrupting our enjoyment of them.

Here’s the sweetheart it did occur to, though …

Yeah. Ordinarily, we’d ask “what was he thinking?” but this dude’s neck is thicker than his cranium, so our guess is he probably wasn’t.

Thinking, that is.

We try to avoid people with necks thicker than their heads, which in addition to “wait for it to come out on DVD” is your free life wisdom for the day. You can thank us later.