It’s no wonder that Jennifer Aniston “stars” in Marley & Me, scheduled for release this Christmas day.
(We say “stars” in quotes because Aniston is the draw only insofar as she’s the leading human in the movie. The real star, of course, is Marley, the cuddly albeit chaotic yellow lab responsible for teaching us the flic’s life lessons).
It’s’ no wonder’ that Aniston appears in the movie, though, because the only thing less entertaining than Marley & Me is Aniston herself.
Which is why it’s particularly noteworthy that she’s not actually the star of the movie, even though she’s being billed as such.
Aniston’s entire career is a series of, if not failures, then total nonstarters.
She doesn’t disappoint so much as she underwhelms … and underwhelms … and underwhelms, because for whatever reason people keep giving her chance after chance after chance.
That she’s still on anyone’s radar (in fact, she’s all over lots of people’s radar) is probably her biggest career accomplishment – although not even that has much to do with her.
Haters take the cheap shot and claim that Aniston is relevant only via her proximity to ex-husband Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
The thing is, neither Pitt nor Jolie are particularly interesting anymore – and yet they still garnish more magazine covers than even Aniston.
So really, if there’s any kind of relationship between Aniston’s relevance and Jolie-Pitt’s ubiquity, it’s probably a symbiotic one.
So what is it about Jennifer Aniston? Seriously?
She’s neither empirically attractive (like Jolie) nor curiously beguiling (like Mimi Rogers, whose slanted oddity bewitches).
She’s neither endearing nor mesmerizing.
She inspires neither envy nor emulation.
She isn’t clever or funny.
She runs with no cool posse.
Her one departure from the utterly prosaic is that she’s, inexplicably, somehow not prosaic … at least not according to her legions of fans who are responsible for her enduring presence.
Wait. What fans? We can’t remember meeting anyone who actually likes or cares about Jennifer Aniston at all. And yet: She continues to be hired and photographed and interviewed and feautured.
Even by us.
And, incredibly, here we are doing it again.
What it is about Jennifer Aniston?
By Snead December 21, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Do you get paid for this shit?
By lizi December 21, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Who ever wrote this is such a hater! She is a good, honest person who is famous and rich and you are not! I like her movies and think you are an idiot! You should find a new career not her!
By lac December 21, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Your wrong. Aniston is still real famous because she was once married to Brad Pitt and Brad divorced her and started dating Angelina Jolie. If it were not for that situation Aniston would be no more famous than the other Friends actors. BTW those Friends actors are also good, honest, rich and famous too. The only difference is Brad.
By Marina December 21, 2008 at 11:14 pm
Do you get paid for this shit?
Who ever wrote this is such a hater! She is a good, honest person who is famous and rich and you are not! I like her movies and think you are an idiot! You should find a new career not her!
JEN IS THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!
By ,,,,, December 22, 2008 at 1:04 am
Face it, if she was never married to Brad no one would be talking about her! She would be as popular as Lisa kudrow and courtney cox, and those two are not talked about.
Jen has mentioned Brad and Angelina in at least FOUR interviews for Marley (GQ, Vogue, EW, Oprah)
While Brad has promoted Benjamin Button and did NOT mention her once! Not one word. He isn’t talking about an ex from FOUR years ago, instead he talks about Angelina and the kids.
Brad and Angelina are at least getting matching best actor/actress noms for golden globes, sags, critics choice for button and changeling while doing something amazing for New Orleans (considering families are moving in now)
By Bess December 22, 2008 at 1:21 am
In this case Mande, the “cheap shot,” as you describe it, is actually the most factual and accurate and makes explicable the continued relevance of Aniston. Don’t be hesitant to use it for fear it makes you sound like a hater. There are some haters, who became that way for all the right reasons. I’m one of them, and I loathe her. So yes, ‘Brangelina,’ and Aniston’s continued association be it in the tabloids/weeklies or in Aniston’s own mind – is why she is still a centerpiece of celebrity culture, 4 years after divorcing, ‘Brad Pitt.’ I did however have a ‘Say what?!’ moment when you commented that Aniston’s continued presence on our collective radar couldn’t be due to the Jolie Pitts as they ‘aren’t interesting either.’ Mande, please. I see you have a degree in psychology, analyze yourself for a second – your own credibility is appearing very strained – this will be one of the greatest love stories in Hollywood history, passion, love, babies, charity, Oscars, great films, more charity at home and abroad, etc. Sure, maybe Brad & Angelina aren’t such a barrel of monkeys at home in their den with their 6 ankle biters, I wouldn’t know – but out in the world, they have a penchant for causing mass hysteria, and for good reason. Aniston, as YOU were saying, does not. Just say it and be proud Mande. Don’t be afraid to hate, just capitulate – and tell the truth: SHE SUCKS. She’s the most useless celeb this side of Paris Hilton, except Paris accomplished her celebrity by being somewhat entertaining. Aniston had a ‘hairdo,’ and Brad Pitt. How it began? I’ll wrap this up as quick as possible…she established herself post-split, as the ‘scorned woman, who was left behind.’ The VICTIM. Oprah had a champagne slumber party and asked if she was ‘OKAY.’ She whined and lobbed a passive aggressive attack at Pitt, for being a cad, maybe not a cheating cad, but a cad nonetheless – leaving all of us to you know…wonder. Thus, leaving us to wonder about Jolie as well, who was of course cast as the maneater, the homewrecker, the evil seductress. It’s a great soap opera, a neverending triangle that the tabloids live on and have millions off of. Will Jen be ‘Happy At last?’ ‘Happiness is the Best Revenge,’ ‘Vince/John/Insert Name of Latest Date Here, BETTER THAN BRAD!’ ‘What Angelina Did was Uncool!’ ‘Jen Meets Shiloh,’ and on and on and on and on…it goes. The fact that she has never cleared up the impression/idea that there is no war with Pitt or Jolie, lets you know just how deceptive and savvy she, or her powerful PR firm, CAA is. They know what they’re doing. They also can answer your question. There’s Something About Aniston? Yes there is, CAA powerful imagemakers, have made that “something,” her self-created ‘victimization,’ at the hands of Brangelina. Root for jen! Rally round the sit-com star! Poor Jen! How dare Angelina say she ‘fell in love,’ on set!! How dare Brad actually get a life! Look Mande, to make it plain, the day they all become bestest pals and wish each other well and happiness, is the day Aniston goes away. That is why her PR, I’m almost positive, must have advised her never to do that. Hence you get that new Angelina snark on her magazine covers – praise Brad to make it seem like you’ve moved on, but keep some acrimony alive, so you stay in the tabs and weeklies. It will be 2035, and I can see Aniston making her caregivers all were ‘Team Aniston,’ shirts.
By memyself&I December 22, 2008 at 8:41 am
To Besse: You lost us at “in this case”
To ,,,,,: If Jennifer wasn’t on Friends there would have been no Friends. If marriage is what makes a person why isn’t anyone talking about Billy Bob Thorton or Johny Lee Miller? How come no one cares about Gwyneth Paltrow?
By Bess December 22, 2008 at 11:55 am
To memyself&I,
I lost you, and yet you’re challenging my point? Okay hon, consistency and comprehension is a mark of any good debater, hon – try to get some.
…and uh, HELLO – ‘Marriage to BRAD PITT,’ is what makes an unknown famous, and it is also what makes the least talented, least attractive, and least critically recognized female cast member on a hackneyed new TV sit-com, super famous. I’m not saying she wouldn’t be famous or a celebrity, I’m just saying she’d be Patricia Heaton…or..heh..Courtney Cox. Your Thornton and Miller examples wouldn’t apply, as they didn’t get hitched to ‘Brad Pitt.’ I imagine if they had, they would be more famous than they are, and perhaps Eli Stone would not have been cancelled. Paltrow didn’t marry Pitt either, but being his girlfriend sure put her squarely on the map as well. How do I know this? Simple math: the first I had ever heard of her, she was getting mega-press on a wide-scale for just for THAT alone – and also, she may have even said it herself. I know a hell of a LOT of people did. A basic way to determine and bring home my point. Would we be here, on some obscure blog/message board talking about this woman if not for Brad Pitt..? I know I wouldn’t, as I happened to get here through A LINK FROM A THREAD ON…(wait for it)…BRAD PITT. I submit if Aniston had married David Schwimmer in real life, or Ray Romano, NONE OF US, would be here. When in doubt. Do the very VERY simple math people. That is all.
By Gen. Longstreet December 22, 2008 at 5:45 pm
I, too, am a fan of Jen’s. I asked her to be one of my Yahoo Friends and an “automatic reply” came back saying she was considering it!
By Jane Doe December 22, 2008 at 6:46 pm
You hit the nail squarely on the head. Jennifer Aniston is a non-entity. Her movies are bland. Her “sexy” photos are a scream for help. She’s not sexy, not beguiling, not interesting, and is just so plain Jane that it’s unbelievable that anyone would want to stalk her to get a picture. Yes, her latest pics in GQ show off a nice body, but that’s all she has to offer anyone. If she weren’t naked, nobody would notice her body because she doesn’t know how to dress. She’s just absolutely awkward in everything. She’s the same in every movie. I don’t get why people care. I really don’t.
By nope December 22, 2008 at 9:49 pm
And yet, look at all of you. You’re writing and writing and writing. As if it mattered.
By nope December 22, 2008 at 9:50 pm
And if Mande does get paid for this, I want in. Apparently it doesn’t matter if you have nothing to say, and then say it really, really badly.
By sclawyerIII December 23, 2008 at 10:32 am
Do you guys have original thoughts or does it all generate from What Would Tyler Durden Do?
By Tim February 7, 2009 at 9:49 pm
I am so tired of seeing that Ugly Freakin’ mug of Jennifer Aniston on every damn magazine at the store that I could SCREAM! She is incredibly ugly. Tiny, tiny eyes- a chin you could dig a ditch with. Just beyond plain- she’s ugly. Hell, I see so many chicks on the street that are way, way hotter and I’m sure much more talented and interesting than this stupid bitch. Why do we have to keep looking at her ugly ass???? I wish she would just go away. No talent, boring and ugly. End of story-
By Violary March 18, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Haha ^^ nice, is there a section to follow the RSS feed
By AJAX March 25, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Brad is one lucky man :D !!!