“Day Without A Gay”

Surprise! You’ve got tomorrow off of work – if you’re gay, that is.

To hell with workplace equality … oh, and speaking of equality, that’s incidentally the point.

Supporters of same-sex marriage are encouraging people to “call in gay” tomorrow to prove that gays contribute to the American economy, a homo-economic boom that South Carolina has already experienced, by the way.

Anyway, as much as we sympathize with gays – and as kitschy-catchy as this is – we really can’t get behind “Day Without A Gay.”

The thing is, the organizers of tomorrow’s coup have the wrong idea.

Homosexuals’ best shot at legal parity and social equality with heterosexuals is not to capriciously skip work – though, believe us, we’ve been there too.

Honestly, though, it’s not like Dunder-Mifflin is going to get any more or any less done because Oscar called in gay.

Which is why we caution against it … if for no other reason than pink slips look a lot better draped over us than thrown at us.

Anyway, gays and gay rights supporters should try working within the realm of the system, not against its grain.

Frankly, gays’ best shot at legal equality is to angle for inclusion in the Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA).

Like we’ve said before, homosexuality is, plain and simple, a birth defect – a deviation from the norm (where “norm” is defined as the majority) which science continues to suggest is biologically-based.

Seen through that politically incorrect but supremely humane prism, gay rights align seamlessly with the rights of other disabled Americans.

Frankly we’re not sure why this is a particularly politically-incorrect idea – gays themselves argue that homosexuality is not a choice but a fact.

Biological facts – congenital conditions – are by very definition present at birth. So, there’s the “birth’’ part of our birth defect theory. The “defect” portion – a word unkind in its connotations – comes simply from the departure from the norm.

If gays and gay rights supporters would get over themselves and get over their own oxymoronic narrative, they’d be a whole lot further down the path toward legal equality.

Incidentally, tomorrow’s “Day Without A Gay” activities coincide with today’s hearing in the Iowa Supreme Court about same-sex marriage.

Whatever happens in Iowa – and despite our disagreement with the whole “call in gay” M.O. – we are planning to “call in human” tomorrow in honor of International Human Rights Day and in solidarity with humans everywhere.

Well, assuming that pleases our benevolent dictator … chances are he’d much rather see us in something low-cut.

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