In the interest of full disclosure, whenever we’re creating unrealistically-skilled imaginary players in our Madden ’09 Indianapolis Colts’ franchise, we outfit each one of them with some variant of the new Riddell Revolution helmet.
In fact, along with Chinese-themed arm tattoos, smurf blue shoes and matching ankle tape, Riddell lids are standard issue for our players.
And even though we’ve turned off the game’s injury settings (meaning there’s no way any of our imaginary players are ever going to get a concussion), the fact is these helmets not only reduce the risk of concussions in real life, they look cool as hell, people.
That’s probably why the vast majority of NFL players (including our founding editor’s man crush) choose Riddell to keep their mental eggs unscrambled.
Anyway, this weekend Riddell partnered with West Point to outfit Army’s football team with a totally bad-ass Desert Storm camouflage helmet for its annual game against Navy.
Don’t get us wrong, the Army-Navy game is still the world’s least interesting sporting event ever, but hey! Cool helmets.
In fact, getting a glimpse at these nifty brain buckets is probably the only reason you should tune into the game at all, and we’re guessing that after a few minutes the novelty will wear off and you can change the channel back to whatever Meredith Baxter Birney holiday flic you were watching.
Look, we hate to “hate on” our service academy teams, but they’re really among the crappiest programs in all of college football.
Especially Army. Which we guess that’s what happens when you can’t recruit (ba doom ching).
Plus, there’s no Marines team, which really sucks, because our guess is that those guys would win the national championship every year.
Florida QB Tim Tebow is good and all, but we’re guessing that a shoulder-mounted RPG shot right through his midsection might slow him down a little bit.
UPDATE – Yeah, we almost forgot. Dear Riddell PR people: Sic says if there’s anyway you can fill that brand new Colts’ helmet you’re sending him with some holiday-coated M&Ms, that’d be really yummy.
By jbailey December 8, 2008 at 4:34 pm
You’re right about the Marines being good and all, but don’t forget that the U.S. Marines are part of the U.S. Navy. About one-fifth of each U.S. Naval Academy graduating class will become U.S. Marine officers. No doubt they help kick Army’s ass at the game each year. Ultimately, of course, they’re all on the same team — America’s team. They’re all the finest of our nation’s youth.
By You're an Idiot December 8, 2008 at 6:22 pm
In case you missed it, Navy kicked Army’s ass this past weekend. George Bush did the coin toss after shanking a kick about 10 yards, and saying “I stand in awe at the sight of these football players.” Not only does Army have the ugliest football uniforms in America, but they apparently have a shitty football team to boot.
In case you were wondering, Navy pitched the first shutout in thirty years, beating West Point, 34-0. Game took place in cold, ugly Philadelphia.
By You're an Idiot December 8, 2008 at 6:24 pm
This game was already played, and Navy beat the shit out of Army 34-0, pitching the first shutout in thirty years. Army apparently sucks as bad as their uniforms and helmets.
By Mike December 8, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Your lack of familiarity with our armed services (and their academies) is showing. The camo pattern on the new Army is not a “Desert Storm” motif; rather, it is a reproduction of the newly implemented digital camo used in current issue ACU combat uniforms. It blends in almost any environment and fades well when viewed through (enemy) night vision. back in Desert Storm the Army was still wearing the old “chocolate chip” or 3-color desert BDU’s. probably more than you wanted to know, but you’ll see where I’m going in a minute…
Some other observant and knowledgeable reader already squared you away on the USMC thing, but that finally brings me to my main point- If you think of these teams as you should (i.e., “West Point” and “Annapolis”, or the US Military Aacdemy and the Naval Academy) then you should understand that their football programs are probably the only TRULY extracurricular ones in the country. These young men are training to be military officers, not coaches or NFL stars.
Love ya/mean it, but that post rubbed a lot of folks in my neck of the woods the wrong way. Many of those players will be going to war in a few months, and at least a few will likely come home in a flag-draped coffin. Football is not their primary concern.
By fitsnews December 8, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Mike-
Points well taken. We rarely say that, but there it is.
FITS
By Snead December 8, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Man, you fucked this story all up. Beyond the comments above, you also completely misrepresented the helmet design. Riddell designed the helmet, NOT the camo cover. That’s Nike. From the Nike PR:
Building off the strong and unique look that the U.S. Military Academy has traditionally displayed, Army’s football team will debut a helmet and pant with a digital print camouflage pattern. The pant will feature the name “West Point†along the right side with a Swoosh design trademark. “Boots on the Ground,†Army’s slogan, will run along the left side of the pant.
By Mike December 9, 2008 at 12:27 am
No hard feelings, seriously. It’s obvious no insult or callousness was intended on your part. Believe me, many folks have a bit of a blind spot when it comes to this kind of stuff. As one of the guys lucky enough to avoid the flag-draped coffin, it’s just one of my many peeves.
Read y’all every day- keep up the good work and give ‘em Hell…
By witness December 9, 2008 at 11:59 am
I saw a great game a few years ago when Navy defeated nationally ranked No. 2 South Carolina. Pretty good for young men in preparation to serve their country and not the NFL.
Sad that you can only describe them as being part of ” the crappiest programs in all of college football.”
By fitsnews December 9, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Witness: That was 25 years ago. You are like some old biddy saying “the other day.” And seriously, fuck you. We try not to get pissy w/ commenters often, but you have just gone to DEFCON 4.
Why don’t you just tiptoe down the sideline in an Oklahoma State jersey and rip our still-beating hearts out?
Or maybe you could go find Joe Morrison’s grave and urinate on it. Jackass.
By Extra Point December 9, 2008 at 1:49 pm
The fact that this game has already been played speaks volumes of the incompetence Will Folks’ blog runs on.
By ^^ December 9, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Wow WitnessGirl. I have never seen Sic One get that mad, that fast. Oy!
It’s OK Willie — us hippies don’t care about football. But we like to keep up with the Marines & stuff…