Eight Friggin’ Percent
We rely on our “Magic 8-Ball” a lot around here … in fact, it’s pretty much in charge of everything, from deciding which politicians we’re going to fillet on a given day to what toppings we’re going to put on our pizza.
Pepperoni? “Reply Hazy, Try Again.”
Sausage? “It Is Decidedly So.”
Banana Peppers? “My Sources Say No.”
Anchovies? “Better Not Tell You Now.”
In fact, there are 20 “Magic 8-Ball” answers out there, not counting those included on The Simpsons Magic 8-Ball (which says “okeley dokeley”), the SpongeBob SquarePants Magic 8-Ball (which says “Crabsolutely”) or our personal favorite, the Hannah Montana Magic 8-Ball (which says “Sweet Niblets No”).
Anyway, we thought we knew every potential 8-ball response out there, which is why we were a bit surprised to find a new one when we shook up our trusted guide yesterday to get its thoughts on South Carolina’s skyrocketing unemployment rate.
In case you can’t read the picture above, it said:
South Carolina Is Totally Effing Screwed, People.
Nice.
At eight percent, South Carolina’s unemployment rate ranks fourth in the nation, trailing only Michigan (9.3 percent), Rhode Island (9.3 percent) and California (8.2 percent).
It’s also the highest unemployment level on record here since 1983.
Not surprisingly, South Carolina’s bass-ackward General Assembly has done everything it can to scare jobs as far away from our borders as possible – laboring to maintain a sh*tty tax climate, sh*tty legal climate, sh*tty regulatory climate and let’s not forget, phatasmagorically sh*tty public schools.
Over at our State Ports Authority, they’re even more blunt – flat out telling companies that were willing to pump billions into our port infrastructure “thanks, but no thanks.”
Seriously, it’s like our state’s leaders are trying to screw us over.
Anyway, the good news is that the same Marxist-Leninists who have brought South Carolina all this record unemployment are on top of the situation.
And will their bold new “Jobs plan” work?
Well, we asked our “Affirmation 8-Ball,” but all it said was “Your Breath Is So Minty.”
Hmmm … we’ll “ask again later,” we suppose.
Comments
By Oscarina on November 23rd, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Does Sic Willie’s view of the world always lift our cantankerous spirits?
“It is decidedly so.”
:)
By Earl Capps on November 24th, 2008 at 9:42 am
I’m sure California is a much more enjoyable state to be unemployed in that SC, but Rhode Island and Michigan (especially this time of the year) have to suck.
By Toyota Kawaski on November 24th, 2008 at 9:46 am
Fits do yall always suck fart’s out Gov.Moonbeams anus cavity?
By fitsnews on November 24th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Toyota-
Unemployment is 8% … and you want to talk about farts and anal cavities?
You are officially our hero.
FITS
By James the Foot Soldier on November 24th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
Let’s be clear: 8% at the START of this recession.
The $100 question is how high will it go?
My hunch (given the total ineptitude of the South Carolina Legislature) is that we’ll ZOOM past 10% in rather short order and attain that number one spot in the nation we all know is rightfully ours.