Science = Once Again Disappointing Us

Instead of doing something useful like cloning chocolate-covered donuts (and making them good for you to eat), science is once again letting us down with research that serves no purpose other than to completely gross us out.

It’s a lot like that whole gay fruit fly thing, except this time we’re talking about straight, old ladies who still want to get their freak on.

Anyway, in news that the Golden Girls may have found useful, it turns out the use of testosterone patches can boost the sexual appetite and fulfillment of post-menopausal women.

Of course, the results were admittedly “modest,” and it turns out there’s a down side, which we now pass along to you courtesy of our friends at the Obama News Network:

The use of the male hormone to boost sex drive in women may not be risk-free. Out of the 814 women in the study, four women who were taking testosterone developed breast cancer, but none of the women on placebo did. It’s not clear whether this was a statistical blip or a warning sign that excess testosterone could cause or spur the growth of a malignancy. Some women also reported excess hair growth, although none stopped using the hormone for this reason.

So … let’s recap.

Putting male hormone into a bunch of wrinkly old biddies makes them hairier and hornier, but then kills them.

Seriously, science. Why do you do this sort of crap to us? Stop messin’ around with these geriatric cases and get on some real work, please.

We want those chocolate-covered donuts in our bellies … like, yesterday!

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