Chubby Republican Girl: “I Was Just Funnin’”

Way to go, Ashley Todd.

At the precise point in the 2008 presidential campaign when people were finally starting to talk about what a socialist Barack Obama is, we get to pause for a moment and ponder the backfired, bat sh*t crazy anti-brilliance floating around your chubby, insecure 20-year old head.

Of course, seeing as there’s really not that much difference between Obama and GOP nominee John McCain when it comes to embracing socialism (at least as far as their bailout votes were concerned), maybe we’re being too hard on the poor girl.

Anyway, Todd is (was) a volunteer in McCain’s Pennsylvania office who decided it would be a good idea to make up a story about how a 6′4″ black man mugged her outside an ATM machine – and then beat her up and carved a “B” on her face after seeing a McCain-Palin sticker on her car.

Which Todd did – to great effect – yesterday.

McCain and his veep nominee Sarah Palin even called the young woman personally, and Obama’s campaign sent out a press release wishing her a “speedy recovery.”

Of course, Todd’s story quickly began to crumble today after cops learned she wasn’t actually at the ATM in Pittsburgh like she said she was – and oh by the way has a history of mental illness.

Now, Todd is admitting to police that she made the whole thing up, which means the College Park, Texas native will be charged with filing a false police report – similar to the “phony phone call” charge that Ferris Bueller’s sister faced back in 1986.

And which means CNN is totally loving life right about now, because once again they can speak in really serious tones about how white Republicans are all a bunch of lying, racist bastards.

So again, way to go, Ashley Todd.

Of course, in this chick’s defense it’s pretty much an indisputable scientific fact that slightly overweight, emotionally imbalanced women are always real givers in the bedroom. So she’s got that going for her.

Now all that’s left to determine is whether or not she’s smart enough to blame the idea on somebody further up the McCain food chain – like somebody who’s actually drawing a paycheck, or at least clipping newspapers.

Comments