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And Then There Were Three

I can’t be the only one for whom threesomes aren’t by now passé, can I?

Actually, I hope I am the only one, because what I need are some been-around-the-blockers to clarify my curiosities. So let’s get hands-on here.

What confuses me are the logistics of the situation…and I don’t mean of the situation, but of the lead-up to the situation. It seems like a pretty intuitive proposition when each of the parties is single, because, hey “ready to mingle” is the point.

But what about when there’s a couple involved? That reeks of negotiation, of a brand of maneuvering that’s wholly different from the singletons’ cavalier come-on.

In the case of the couple threesome, there are two obvious dynamics at play, each of which propagates its own unique opportunities for maladroit mishaps.

First, the couple:

Let’s say, purely for the instructional purposes of this piece, that my husband and I have our eye on a certain someone, a server by the name of Sheila at our favorite restaurant. Let’s also assume that it was me who noticed her first, and me who prompted the idea.

That takes care of a lot right there, since it diminishes the likelihood that girly envy will foreclose the fun.

Now, assuming all this, how exactly would we go about enticing Sheila into our lair?

The risk here is that she’ll get scared off by the impression that we’re seasoned swingers. And who knows … maybe we are.

But it would be better if she though we were just dipping our toe into the community pool for the first time, right?

That’s my hunch, at least. Whether in a sexual or a romantic scenario - and especially when it’s strictly sexual - seducing a woman is all about making her feel like she’s the first to inspire such lust.

It’s that whole “lie to me, I promise I’ll believe” gamble we can’t help but take.

So, what’s the best plan? I’m inclined to handle all the initial flirtations, but then I wonder if Sheila would be more comfortable - more familiar - with my husband’s advances. Because if I do all the flirting, there might be an iffy lesbo limbo period in which she think it’s just me who’s interested - and if she’s not gay, that would totally put her off.

Still, my hunch is that the softer and more subtle approach of a girl would be welcome here as a warm-up to my man’s mutual advances.

What do you guys think? How best to break the “threesome ice?”

And remember, people … purely hypothetical. Hopefully none of my stalkers will come out of the woodwork.

Now, let’s just say we successfully beckon Sheila’s curiosity. The next move is hers, right? Or do we remain responsible for moving things along? Again, I’m torn.

It would seem logical that the ball bounces to her court, but on the other hand, the next play may be just as appropriately be ours to make.

Somehow I imagine that it is - something about, not so much that we’re the aggressors, but that we have an ongoing duty to ensure her comfort.

Again, what do y’all say? Seriously, people, I’m lost.

Now, suppose we navigate all that murkiness and actually land in bed. Together. All of us.

Is there such a thing as threesome etiquette? I’m no Miss Manners, to be sure, but I wouldn’t want to be … I don’t know, gauche.

And what about boundaries? Should there be - can there be - rules? Or do those inevitably end up losing themselves to the best-laid plans … so to speak.

Speak up, people. Sheila awaits.

Hypothetically, of course.

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