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Knot Tied

By fitsnews • on September 29, 2008

Scarlett Johansson married some dude we’ve never heard of over the weekend, causing much rejoicing among women who live vicariously through celebrity weddings but worldwide protests from penises accustomed to going from “six to midnight” at the mere thought of the Danish hottie.

And although the movie that made her famous is unintelligible nonsense and her attempt at a singing career has been described (by us) as “wrist-slitting fun for the whole family,” Johansson nonetheless has a special place in our pants … err, hearts.

She and her new husband (this lucky chap) also get props for being one of the few celebrity couples we can remember to spare us the whole charade of requesting privacy for their wedding only to invite a People photographer - in a domestic capacity.

Scar-Jo and Ryan Reynolds’ wedding was so secret that the Hollywood press isn’t even sure where it happened yet …

Anyway, congrats to both of them and best wishes for much happiness (or whatever you’re supposed to say to people when they get married). Also, don’t take it personally when attorneys for Sic Willie’s penis file its “emotional distress” lawsuit.