No Friggin’ Way

In the least surprising announcement since … alright, since “ever” … Former American Idol runner-up Clay Aiken has confirmed to People Magazine that he prefers penises to vaginas. Yeah, we’ve never listened to a Clay Aiken song in our lives, either, but there you have it.

In other news this morning, the sun came up, gravity still works and you are currently reading what’s known as a “sentence.” In a “story.” On a “website.”

Anyway, from Aiken’s forthcoming People story:

“It was the first decision I made as a father,” Aiken, 29, tells the upcoming issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday. “I cannot raise a child to lie or to hide things. I wasn’t raised that way, and I’m not going to raise a child to do that.”

Wait, they let gay people have kids? When the hell did this happen? And more importantly, how the hell did this happen?

Look, we’re all for gay people having civil unions (i.e. not denying them access to health insurance, etc.), but kids? How exactly does that work?

Kids should definitely learn about “pitchers” and “catchers” (particularly as it relates to drafting a decent fantasy baseball team) this seems a bit ridiculous to us.

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