Sic’s In Trouble

The news that our founding editor’s marriage is on the rocks after less than 100 days shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone. Yet what may (or may not) surprise you is the reason for the “rough patch.” Based on Sic’s history, you would think that his current marital complications would stem from a random tossing of his bride into some furniture, or a repeat engagement of one of his infamous dalliances with South Carolina’s hottest female television journalists.

Well, as much as some people might wish that were the case, the problems actually stem from a much more benign source – a prescription for contact lenses that Mrs. Sic Willie (above) finally got around to filling today.

Yeah … she was blind as a bat, people, which no doubt contributed to her decision to wed a guy whose voice has been aptly described as the “sexiest in the galaxy,” yet whose head looks like a battered traffic cone with pudgy cheeks, droopy eyelids and scraggly facial hair.

Equipped with her new lenses (prescribed to correct what Sic refers to as “a couple of stigmatisms”), our founding editor’s wife has been forced today to confront the fact that she married a man who looks like this.

No doubt that’s a hard pill to swallow for a hottie in her mid-Twenties … whose flower is most definitely in full-bloom, people (editor’s note: bow-chicka-bow).

So will their marriage last now that Mrs. Sic can actually see the man she married?

Who knows … our guess is that Sic’s repeated efforts to pin his constant farting, burping, nose-picking and ball-scratching on account of his being a “sexy beast” will no longer carry quite the same weight now that his wife can see more than three feet in front of her.

Stay tuned …

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