Mr. Mouse Tests State House Security
The S.C. Bureau of Protective Services is providing an “exemplary level of protection” at the South Carolina State House, according to an independent review conducted by security expert Mr. Mouse.
FITSNews sent Mr. Mouse to the State House this weekend to examine its security measures in light of the $5.3 million state lawmakers are currently shelling out to beef up protection at the building.
“Based on a detailed assessment of existing precautionary assets, the low-grade value of the complex as a terrorist target and the presence of much more critical law enforcement needs elsewhere in the state, it is my conclusion that this expenditure is a misappropriation of scarce state dollars,” Mr. Mouse’s report concluded.
“Public safety is indeed one of the core functions which government ought to provide, but my research demonstrates that this funding should be terminated, or at the very least redirected to law enforcement salaries or the hiring of additional troopers on South Carolina’s highways.”
South Carolina ranks No. 1 nationally in per capita violent crime, Mr. Mouse’s report noted, and recent across the board cuts implemented by a legislative majority on the Budget & Control Board are, according to the report, “emblematic of a growing disconnect between legitimate public needs and the spending habits of this legislature.”
Shortly after examining the State House complex, Mr. Mouse visited several first responder units in Columbia which would be tasked with providing emergency services in the event a terrorist attack were to strike the Capital complex.
In addition to pointing out that the Richland County Sheriff’s office currently operates a “friggin’ tank,” Mr. Mouse said that the Metropolitan Columbia law enforcement community is “reasonably well-equipped” to handle such an event.
“There are no boots for mice, but other than that I see no glaring deficiencies in the local first response apparatus,” Mr. Mouse’s report noted.
Mr. Mouse then proceeded to enjoy some chocolate birthday cake.
“Mmmmm,” Mr. Mouse said. “This is much better than that yellow cake everybody was getting so worked up about.”
In case you’re wondering, Mr. Mouse is the star character in the 1985 children’s book “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie.”
This excerpt is from the highly-anticipated follow-up, “If You Give A Mouse To Sic Willie.”
Comments
By Veritas on September 15th, 2008 at 9:10 am
Just saying that the budget and control board does not have a legislative majority. There are 3 membersfrom the Executive branch on there.
By Not so fast my friend on September 15th, 2008 at 11:33 am
The third “executive branch” member was appointed by the Legislature (to do their bidding). He was neither eleceted by the people nor appointed by the Gov.
By *** on September 15th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Re: highly-anticipated follow-up, “If You Give A Mouse To Sic Willie.â€
Lord, help us.
By Stroker Ace on September 15th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
The statehouse of SC is the most prominent government building and security measures are needed to protect it. 5.3millon in a 7 billion dollar budget is less than 1%. Miniscule.
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